"Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth." (Proverbs 5:18)
In this verse the author is addressing husbands. It's sort of a charge to be happy with the woman they married. Every time I read it I stop and think, Is Lew (husband) happy with the woman he married? Does he "rejoice" in me? Do I give him something to rejoice about?
I know complacency sneaks into every marriage at some point. Lew and I have gotten to the point where we are comfortable. "Comfortable" in the sense that he knows where the limits are, and so do I. But is that really the way our marriage should be? Should my husband be "comfortable" or should he be rejoicing?
As I take a good, honest look at myself, I can see that I have not been an easy woman for my husband to live with. Most days I complain more than I compliment, I scowl more than I smile, and I say no more than I say yes. Am I the sort of person who will cause my husband to rejoice? Oh, goody. She's complaining about everything ... again. How joyous.
When Lew and I got married, I promised myself I would not be the same kind of woman I was during my first marriage. I was going to be different. I would be more giving, more open, more sexual, more accepting. What I have become instead is more of the same.
ENOUGH!
I want to be the wife of my husband's dreams. I want him to rejoice every time he sees me. I want to be blessed in the knowledge that he is happy he married me.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Monday, January 27, 2014
Like I Promised
Recently my husband and I attended a marriage workshop that was part of the re|engage marriage curriculum. I attended reluctantly as I don't enjoy myself when the Holy Spirit convicts me as I listen to speakers and work through the questions.
There was a point during the workshop when the question came up, "Do you love your spouse the way you promised you would?"
I felt a sudden wave come over me like I was either going to faint or cry. Or maybe a little of both.
My short answer was "no."
Now here's my long answer.
I have made promises along the way that I intended to keep. I also made promises I had no intention of keeping. Basically, I have not loved my husband the way I promised to. I have given him false hope that some day I would get around to doing this or learning that when in fact I have never had any intention of doing any of it.
Why do I operate under false pretenses like this? I know he longs for me to be the wife I promised him I'd be, to learn how to please him and love him, and to do the things I said I would do, but when it comes down to action I chicken out because I prefer to take the easy way out. I don't like to put myself out or make myself feel uncomfortable in any way. It doesn't matter that the person I made promises to is my own husband, the man who is supposed to trust me more than anyone else. If I don't feel like doing it, you might as well forget about it. It isn't going to happen. Ever.
Well, that's about to change. Lew (husband) is going to find himself married to a different woman and he isn't going to know what hit him. First I'll have to attend to a few essential details so he doesn't suspect that I've replaced myself with a clone.
1. I'm going to confess and ask forgiveness, from God and from Lew.
2. I'm going to ask him (again) what he wants from me as his wife - what will make him happy.
3. I'm going to do those things.
4. I'm going to learn (and practice) those things I don't know how to do.
I'm going to love him the way I promised I would.
There was a point during the workshop when the question came up, "Do you love your spouse the way you promised you would?"
I felt a sudden wave come over me like I was either going to faint or cry. Or maybe a little of both.
My short answer was "no."
Now here's my long answer.
I have made promises along the way that I intended to keep. I also made promises I had no intention of keeping. Basically, I have not loved my husband the way I promised to. I have given him false hope that some day I would get around to doing this or learning that when in fact I have never had any intention of doing any of it.
Why do I operate under false pretenses like this? I know he longs for me to be the wife I promised him I'd be, to learn how to please him and love him, and to do the things I said I would do, but when it comes down to action I chicken out because I prefer to take the easy way out. I don't like to put myself out or make myself feel uncomfortable in any way. It doesn't matter that the person I made promises to is my own husband, the man who is supposed to trust me more than anyone else. If I don't feel like doing it, you might as well forget about it. It isn't going to happen. Ever.
Well, that's about to change. Lew (husband) is going to find himself married to a different woman and he isn't going to know what hit him. First I'll have to attend to a few essential details so he doesn't suspect that I've replaced myself with a clone.
1. I'm going to confess and ask forgiveness, from God and from Lew.
2. I'm going to ask him (again) what he wants from me as his wife - what will make him happy.
3. I'm going to do those things.
4. I'm going to learn (and practice) those things I don't know how to do.
I'm going to love him the way I promised I would.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:11-12)
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
We Are Family?
Are we a family?
I know that by legal definition we are a family, but are Lew (husband) and I a "family?" Do I treat him the way I would treat my brother, sister, mother, father?
Recently my father was diagnosed with an irregular heart beat and high blood pressure. My first response was to call him and ask if he was okay, then offer to come and stay so he could rest.
My sister recently slipped and fell in her driveway, twisting her ankle. She used crutches for two weeks. I went to her house every day to help her clean.
My brother had an accident with his car. I know he doesn't have much money, so I offered to drive him to work until he was able to get other transportation.
When my mother came down with the flu I made a week's worth of meals, drove to their house (one and a half hours away) and delivered them.
By contrast, when my husband had surgery last month I looked at him with disgust as he sat around the house. I made him clean the closets and organize the basement. After all, it was the least he could do since he wasn't doing anything else to help around here. Nevermind that a team of doctors said that he shouldn't lift anything for a few weeks.
See my point? I haven't treated my husband like family in his own house. It's almost as if he's "less than" family and doesn't deserve to be treated as well as them.
What about you? Do you give your husband the same love you give your other family? Do you protect him and provide cover for his weaknesses? Or do you think about his infirmities with disgust and contempt? When he is sick, sore and tired, do you let him rest?
When we marry, we take on a new identity. We become one flesh with another person. If our husbands aren't accepted by us as family members, then we will always treat them as bothersome intruders, placed in our lives to disrupt our agendas.
Let's start to treat our husbands like family. Sometimes we're the only family they have.
He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart. (Proverbs, 11:29)
I know that by legal definition we are a family, but are Lew (husband) and I a "family?" Do I treat him the way I would treat my brother, sister, mother, father?
Recently my father was diagnosed with an irregular heart beat and high blood pressure. My first response was to call him and ask if he was okay, then offer to come and stay so he could rest.
My sister recently slipped and fell in her driveway, twisting her ankle. She used crutches for two weeks. I went to her house every day to help her clean.
My brother had an accident with his car. I know he doesn't have much money, so I offered to drive him to work until he was able to get other transportation.
When my mother came down with the flu I made a week's worth of meals, drove to their house (one and a half hours away) and delivered them.
By contrast, when my husband had surgery last month I looked at him with disgust as he sat around the house. I made him clean the closets and organize the basement. After all, it was the least he could do since he wasn't doing anything else to help around here. Nevermind that a team of doctors said that he shouldn't lift anything for a few weeks.
See my point? I haven't treated my husband like family in his own house. It's almost as if he's "less than" family and doesn't deserve to be treated as well as them.
What about you? Do you give your husband the same love you give your other family? Do you protect him and provide cover for his weaknesses? Or do you think about his infirmities with disgust and contempt? When he is sick, sore and tired, do you let him rest?
When we marry, we take on a new identity. We become one flesh with another person. If our husbands aren't accepted by us as family members, then we will always treat them as bothersome intruders, placed in our lives to disrupt our agendas.
Let's start to treat our husbands like family. Sometimes we're the only family they have.
He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart. (Proverbs, 11:29)
Thursday, December 19, 2013
The Five Senses of Being His Wife: Taste
This is part 5 of 5 in my series The Five Senses of Being His Wife.
What does the sweat on his cheek taste like? Or his tears after he hears some devastating news? How do his kisses taste when he first hops into bed? Have you given him this part of you? Why are you holding back?
Intimacy - true intimacy - must be just that. Intimate. Lew (husband) is not the kind who will go around demanding that I taste his feet. Ahhh, but when I decide to kiss my way down his leg and pay attention to his feet, tasting each toe, nibbling his ankles, he becomes a different man. When I taste his neck, his belly, his thighs, his penis ... I get from him a more intimate husband. He wants to open up to me more and more. He is more grateful, more loving.
I believe God designed him that way. I believe we as wives are meant to love our husbands with everything we've got. All five of our senses.
What does the sweat on his cheek taste like? Or his tears after he hears some devastating news? How do his kisses taste when he first hops into bed? Have you given him this part of you? Why are you holding back?
Intimacy - true intimacy - must be just that. Intimate. Lew (husband) is not the kind who will go around demanding that I taste his feet. Ahhh, but when I decide to kiss my way down his leg and pay attention to his feet, tasting each toe, nibbling his ankles, he becomes a different man. When I taste his neck, his belly, his thighs, his penis ... I get from him a more intimate husband. He wants to open up to me more and more. He is more grateful, more loving.
I believe God designed him that way. I believe we as wives are meant to love our husbands with everything we've got. All five of our senses.
Monday, December 2, 2013
... to love their husbands ....
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
(Titus 2:4-5)
Really?
When Paul wrote this letter to Titus I'm sure he was specifically addressing the little old ladies of the church when he wrote the above verses. Those ladies didn't have any hang ups when it came to talking about marriage, submission, or sex.
They were instructed to teach the younger women how to love their husbands and children, to be keepers of their homes, and to obey (yes, O-B-E-Y) their husbands.
My eyes were opened a while ago when Lew (husband) let me know that I was falling short in some areas. That's when I went openly and honestly to my Titus 2 lady - a woman who isn't ashamed to talk to me in plain language about any thing (and I mean anything).
But as I keep considering the verses in Titus 2, I keep coming back to this thought:
To whom will I give such advice?
The answer came to me recently in a most frightening and eye-opening way.
Lew (husband) had been getting all lovey-dovey for a few days, and had tried several times to get me to go upstairs with him (*wink, wink*). I kept putting him off, saying that I couldn't spend time with him because there was just too much work to do. I had to finish the washing the dishes and vacuuming the carpets. Then there was still laundry to be folded and emails to check.
One of the girls said to him, "Yeah, Dad. Get in line. There's more important stuff than you, ya know!"
... oh, dear ...
That is how I have taught the younger women (my own girls) to love their husbands.
I've shown them (quite well, in fact) that husbands ...
These are the things this Titus 2 woman has taught the younger women (my own daughters) about how to love their husbands. Just by watching their mother, my girls have picked up on my attitude toward Lew, and my rebellion against God. And because their mother lives her life this way they believe it is the right thing to do.
... oh, dear ...
I have a lot of work to do and a lot of forgiveness to ask for.
(Titus 2:4-5)
Really?
When Paul wrote this letter to Titus I'm sure he was specifically addressing the little old ladies of the church when he wrote the above verses. Those ladies didn't have any hang ups when it came to talking about marriage, submission, or sex.
They were instructed to teach the younger women how to love their husbands and children, to be keepers of their homes, and to obey (yes, O-B-E-Y) their husbands.
My eyes were opened a while ago when Lew (husband) let me know that I was falling short in some areas. That's when I went openly and honestly to my Titus 2 lady - a woman who isn't ashamed to talk to me in plain language about any thing (and I mean anything).
But as I keep considering the verses in Titus 2, I keep coming back to this thought:
To whom will I give such advice?
The answer came to me recently in a most frightening and eye-opening way.
Lew (husband) had been getting all lovey-dovey for a few days, and had tried several times to get me to go upstairs with him (*wink, wink*). I kept putting him off, saying that I couldn't spend time with him because there was just too much work to do. I had to finish the washing the dishes and vacuuming the carpets. Then there was still laundry to be folded and emails to check.
One of the girls said to him, "Yeah, Dad. Get in line. There's more important stuff than you, ya know!"
... oh, dear ...
That is how I have taught the younger women (my own girls) to love their husbands.
I've shown them (quite well, in fact) that husbands ...
- are a low priority (lower on the the list than almost everything else).
- shouldn't expect their wives to do anything for them.
- should be okay with waiting a long, long time for sex.
- are just children who must be controlled by their wives.
- must do all the work around the house that their wives don't feel like doing.
- should lead their families the way their wives see fit.
- must never do anything their wives disagree with.
- must put up with tantrums whenever their wives are unhappy.
These are the things this Titus 2 woman has taught the younger women (my own daughters) about how to love their husbands. Just by watching their mother, my girls have picked up on my attitude toward Lew, and my rebellion against God. And because their mother lives her life this way they believe it is the right thing to do.
... oh, dear ...
I have a lot of work to do and a lot of forgiveness to ask for.
Friday, November 15, 2013
The Five Senses of Being His Wife: Smell
If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? (1 Corinthians 12:17)
What is your husband's scent? I don't mean cologne or aftershave, but what is his natural scent? Are you familiar with it?
When animals choose a mate in the wild, they do so partly by scent. One reason for this is so that if anything should happen to any of their other senses they will be able to identify safety in the scent of their mate.
What does your husband's ear smell like? What about his hands? His neck? His stomach? Feet? Penis? Do you ever take a deep breath and soak in the aroma of his hair? It's unique to him and only him. He should know your scent as well.
On another note (and to get away from bodily aroma for a moment), is there a scent that hubby enjoys? Are there ways you can be a better wife by using these scents? Does he like the scent of fresh baked pie? Does he go wild for a certain perfume? What areas of your body does he tend to smell? Does he ever breathe deeply and take in all the aromas of you?
I believe God created us to love our husbands with our full beings, and that includes our noses. We are naturally sensitive to certain aromas and are attracted to our husbands partly because of the way they smell.
Make sure you know the scent of your man. Breathe it in. Appreciate it. When he's gone, you'll wish you could hold on to it (and him) forever.
What is your husband's scent? I don't mean cologne or aftershave, but what is his natural scent? Are you familiar with it?
When animals choose a mate in the wild, they do so partly by scent. One reason for this is so that if anything should happen to any of their other senses they will be able to identify safety in the scent of their mate.
What does your husband's ear smell like? What about his hands? His neck? His stomach? Feet? Penis? Do you ever take a deep breath and soak in the aroma of his hair? It's unique to him and only him. He should know your scent as well.
On another note (and to get away from bodily aroma for a moment), is there a scent that hubby enjoys? Are there ways you can be a better wife by using these scents? Does he like the scent of fresh baked pie? Does he go wild for a certain perfume? What areas of your body does he tend to smell? Does he ever breathe deeply and take in all the aromas of you?
I believe God created us to love our husbands with our full beings, and that includes our noses. We are naturally sensitive to certain aromas and are attracted to our husbands partly because of the way they smell.
Make sure you know the scent of your man. Breathe it in. Appreciate it. When he's gone, you'll wish you could hold on to it (and him) forever.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
The Five Senses of Being His Wife: Sound
This is the second post in my series about the fives senses. Today I want to explore the sense of sound and how it relates to my role as my husband's wife.
Do I listen to Lew (husband)? I mean really listen? What does he actually mean when he says we should have pie more often? (Hint: He probably likes pie.) What does it mean when he says he's going to take a shower before bed? Or when he compliments the way I look in my new sweater? Do I hear what my beloved is saying in the background of his words?
Am I aware of the sounds he makes on a daily basis? What do his little sighs, moans, and groans mean? As his wife, I should know. I should be enough of a student to at least know how to read the man I married.
Okay, so here's the other side of the coin.
What is he hearing? What sounds do I make for him to hear? Do my word build him up or tear him down?
Does he hear me speaking loving words to him, or does he hear mostly complaining and nagging?
Lord, please help me to hear my husband. Not just his words, but the heart behind his words. Help me be a student of him and know him in a way that will bless him. I want to build my house and not tear it down. Help me use words that will help my husband. Please let him hear uplifting messages from me. This I pray in Jesus' name.
Do I listen to Lew (husband)? I mean really listen? What does he actually mean when he says we should have pie more often? (Hint: He probably likes pie.) What does it mean when he says he's going to take a shower before bed? Or when he compliments the way I look in my new sweater? Do I hear what my beloved is saying in the background of his words?
Am I aware of the sounds he makes on a daily basis? What do his little sighs, moans, and groans mean? As his wife, I should know. I should be enough of a student to at least know how to read the man I married.
Okay, so here's the other side of the coin.
What is he hearing? What sounds do I make for him to hear? Do my word build him up or tear him down?
Does he hear me speaking loving words to him, or does he hear mostly complaining and nagging?
Lord, please help me to hear my husband. Not just his words, but the heart behind his words. Help me be a student of him and know him in a way that will bless him. I want to build my house and not tear it down. Help me use words that will help my husband. Please let him hear uplifting messages from me. This I pray in Jesus' name.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
The Five Senses of Being His Wife: Sight
God has gifted us with five senses with which we go about our daily walk. If we are walking with a spouse, these five senses are even more important. We need to use these gifts in our marriages on a daily basis, loving and knowing our spouses in every way possible.
This subject is too important to limit to one post. It warrants an expanded view of each sense as it relates to the holy union of marriage.
Sight:
How do you look at your husband? Do you gaze through a filter that sees all his mistakes and flaws? All the ugliness that disappoints you and causes you to look at him with disgust? Or do you through the lens of our Heavenly Father, as a human being who has been fearfully and wonderfully made, in the image of God Himself?
The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness. (Luke 11:34)
The sense of sight is so important in the marriage relationship and not just on the surface. I need to see my husband with a clear eye, not a dirty one. I must see him as God sees him. God sees every square inch of him. He knows the birthmarks on the folds in my husband's skin. He knows exactly where the red bump is on his inner thigh. He knows the itchy spot on his head (and his other itchy spots). I must know why he laughs and why he cries. I must know why he wakes up in the wee hours of the morning and can't go back to sleep.
Do I know these things? Am I aware of the details of my husband, inside and out, or would I rather not get into the nitty gritty of actually "knowing" physically, intellectually, sexually and spiritually, the man whom God Himself chose for me. Do I take the time to look at him - really look at him - every square inch? Do I know how big that mole was last week? Do I really know what all of his many parts look like? Have I taken the time to see him? Am I too ashamed to look? Am I afraid to really examine him? Why?
On the flip side, do I allow myself to be open to my husband's eyes? Do I allow him to see me outside and inside? Is he able to look at my most deeply personal wrinkles and crevices, or do I put a halt to his efforts?
Wives, today I urge you to pray that God will open your eyes to your husband's physical being. Pray that you will begin exploring him with your eyes and really get to know his body.
This subject is too important to limit to one post. It warrants an expanded view of each sense as it relates to the holy union of marriage.
Sight:
How do you look at your husband? Do you gaze through a filter that sees all his mistakes and flaws? All the ugliness that disappoints you and causes you to look at him with disgust? Or do you through the lens of our Heavenly Father, as a human being who has been fearfully and wonderfully made, in the image of God Himself?
The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness. (Luke 11:34)
The sense of sight is so important in the marriage relationship and not just on the surface. I need to see my husband with a clear eye, not a dirty one. I must see him as God sees him. God sees every square inch of him. He knows the birthmarks on the folds in my husband's skin. He knows exactly where the red bump is on his inner thigh. He knows the itchy spot on his head (and his other itchy spots). I must know why he laughs and why he cries. I must know why he wakes up in the wee hours of the morning and can't go back to sleep.
Do I know these things? Am I aware of the details of my husband, inside and out, or would I rather not get into the nitty gritty of actually "knowing" physically, intellectually, sexually and spiritually, the man whom God Himself chose for me. Do I take the time to look at him - really look at him - every square inch? Do I know how big that mole was last week? Do I really know what all of his many parts look like? Have I taken the time to see him? Am I too ashamed to look? Am I afraid to really examine him? Why?
On the flip side, do I allow myself to be open to my husband's eyes? Do I allow him to see me outside and inside? Is he able to look at my most deeply personal wrinkles and crevices, or do I put a halt to his efforts?
Wives, today I urge you to pray that God will open your eyes to your husband's physical being. Pray that you will begin exploring him with your eyes and really get to know his body.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
He's watching me do THAT???
Some facts about God just blow me away. I’ve always known that God is everywhere, even in the smallest details. As a kid I learned that He’s watching me and taking care of me and that He wants what’s best for me.
Recently I had an awesome and somewhat frightening little “a-ha!” moment about God and his everywhere-ness. It happened while I was serving Lew (husband) by doing something deeply personal and intimate (I think you can guess) that he deeply desires and loves.
While I was busy serving my hubby the Holy Spirit got a hold of me and whispered in my ear, “Your husband is well pleased with you, and so is your Heavenly Father.”
Wow! I never really stopped to think about it, but it’s true. When the hubby and I are naked and unashamed, God is there. When we’re naked and one of us is ashamed (mostly me), He is there. When I dive in and explore sex with abandon, He is there. When I rationalize all the reasons not to release myself to sexual abandon, He is there.
I’ve blogged previously about God’s whereabouts and that He’s always watching and always with us, but this dimension adds a bit more depth to my understanding of exactly how involved God is in our lives.
Everything I do and every excuse I have, God is either pleased or displeased with me.
What about you? Is God please with the details of your life? Your marriage? Your thoughts and excuses?
Does He like the level of intimacy you’ve built with your husband?
If not, what are you going to do about it?
Sunday, August 11, 2013
He Is Watching
Lew (husband) and I were in church last weekend, praising God with our whole hearts. We prayed, sang, learned, fellowshipped, and communed. I really felt like I was paying attention to God's voice. I wanted to do everything I could for Him in that moment. It was wonderful. It got me thinking.....
How quick am I to obey when God asks me to do something for Him? What about at home? Do I live my life in a way that glorifies God? Do I always do my best to obey Him in everything? EVERY thing?? Do I worship my Lord and Savior in my every day life as though He's watching?
Because He is watching.
When I sit at my computer all day while life goes on without me, God's watching.
When I criticize Lew (husband) in front of the girls, God's watching.
When I get that enormous, selfish case of the "I wants," God's watching.
When I am impatient, God's watching.
When I'm at the supermarket deciding between corn flakes and fruit loops, God's watching.
When I flirt with my husband, God's watching.
When I put off giving my husband that "thing" he wants in bed, God's watching.
When I lay awake at night, filled with guilt over my behavior, God's watching.
He's watching me all the time. He knows how well I've behaved. He's there, guiding me, prodding me, asking me to do things and watching as I disobey.
At the store, He's there watching me make unhealthy choices that destroy my body and my budget.
At home, He's there watching as I ignore my children and husband because I'm lost in my book.
In the bedroom, He's there as I put a stop to anything that will help Lew (husband) and I become more intimate.
He's there. Always there.
He's with you, too. He's watching everything you do. He sees every decision you make. You cannot hide from Him.
So, let me ask you this ...... Is He happy with you? I'm sure He isn't always happy with me.
How quick am I to obey when God asks me to do something for Him? What about at home? Do I live my life in a way that glorifies God? Do I always do my best to obey Him in everything? EVERY thing?? Do I worship my Lord and Savior in my every day life as though He's watching?
Because He is watching.
When I sit at my computer all day while life goes on without me, God's watching.
When I criticize Lew (husband) in front of the girls, God's watching.
When I get that enormous, selfish case of the "I wants," God's watching.
When I am impatient, God's watching.
When I'm at the supermarket deciding between corn flakes and fruit loops, God's watching.
When I flirt with my husband, God's watching.
When I put off giving my husband that "thing" he wants in bed, God's watching.
When I lay awake at night, filled with guilt over my behavior, God's watching.
He's watching me all the time. He knows how well I've behaved. He's there, guiding me, prodding me, asking me to do things and watching as I disobey.
At the store, He's there watching me make unhealthy choices that destroy my body and my budget.
At home, He's there watching as I ignore my children and husband because I'm lost in my book.
In the bedroom, He's there as I put a stop to anything that will help Lew (husband) and I become more intimate.
He's there. Always there.
He's with you, too. He's watching everything you do. He sees every decision you make. You cannot hide from Him.
So, let me ask you this ...... Is He happy with you? I'm sure He isn't always happy with me.
Friday, May 3, 2013
A Time To Reconnect
First, let me apologize for neglecting my blog for so long. I was away with Lew (husband), working on our relationship. We did this because it came to a crisis point and we didn't want to give up on God's gift of marriage.
My parents watched the kids and we drove far away and checked into a very nice hotel. It was glorious to be alone with my love for a few weeks. Or at least it would have been glorious had it not been for the gigantic crater in our relationship.
That was the first order of business. Well, right after resting a bit and getting some food in our famished bodies.
First thing in the morning that first day we ate breakfast and got to work. We set up our laptops on a round table in our room and sat next to each other. We spent time each day working on specific areas of our marriage and family, including topics like finances, children, retirement, home improvements, health and fitness, diet, and sex.
The talks were difficult at times. There were things each of us didn't want to hear. Some topics were embarrassing (especially when it came to sex), but we worked through some of them and made plans to improve over the next few months.
The best part of our getaway was having the freedom to be truly open and unashamed with each other without any interruptions. We talked about things, and whenever we could, we started implementing changes immediately, right there on vacation. Diet, exercise, sex, wardrobe, whatever we talked about. We started making changes right then and there.
I found out I could do some things for him that would give him tremendous satisfaction and that didn't take a lot of effort on my part. The trick was paying attention to him and what he needs instead of concentrating on what I want to give him and how to get out of giving him what I don't want to give him (Yes, I'm guilty of this and so are you).
I found out that Lew was unhappy for a long time but didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to have the same argument with me again and get nowhere again. In fact, it took a couple days before he was actually able to admit that he still wasn't satisfied with our relationship.
The entire trip opened my eyes and I intend to keep them open.
What about you? Do you and your hubby talk openly and honestly about deep, important issues? Do you diet with him? (Lew dieted alone because it was "too much of a hassle" for me.) Do you exercise together? (Lew didn't do the right kind of exercises.) Do you try his sexual ideas? (I was only willing to do a few things, and he stopped asking for any kind of sex at all.) Do you dress for each other? (We're learning to do that.)
I recommend to every couple that you take a week or so without the kids to go away, talk, and reconnect. It will make a huge difference. I promise.
My parents watched the kids and we drove far away and checked into a very nice hotel. It was glorious to be alone with my love for a few weeks. Or at least it would have been glorious had it not been for the gigantic crater in our relationship.
That was the first order of business. Well, right after resting a bit and getting some food in our famished bodies.
First thing in the morning that first day we ate breakfast and got to work. We set up our laptops on a round table in our room and sat next to each other. We spent time each day working on specific areas of our marriage and family, including topics like finances, children, retirement, home improvements, health and fitness, diet, and sex.
The talks were difficult at times. There were things each of us didn't want to hear. Some topics were embarrassing (especially when it came to sex), but we worked through some of them and made plans to improve over the next few months.
The best part of our getaway was having the freedom to be truly open and unashamed with each other without any interruptions. We talked about things, and whenever we could, we started implementing changes immediately, right there on vacation. Diet, exercise, sex, wardrobe, whatever we talked about. We started making changes right then and there.
I found out I could do some things for him that would give him tremendous satisfaction and that didn't take a lot of effort on my part. The trick was paying attention to him and what he needs instead of concentrating on what I want to give him and how to get out of giving him what I don't want to give him (Yes, I'm guilty of this and so are you).
I found out that Lew was unhappy for a long time but didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to have the same argument with me again and get nowhere again. In fact, it took a couple days before he was actually able to admit that he still wasn't satisfied with our relationship.
The entire trip opened my eyes and I intend to keep them open.
What about you? Do you and your hubby talk openly and honestly about deep, important issues? Do you diet with him? (Lew dieted alone because it was "too much of a hassle" for me.) Do you exercise together? (Lew didn't do the right kind of exercises.) Do you try his sexual ideas? (I was only willing to do a few things, and he stopped asking for any kind of sex at all.) Do you dress for each other? (We're learning to do that.)
I recommend to every couple that you take a week or so without the kids to go away, talk, and reconnect. It will make a huge difference. I promise.
Friday, March 22, 2013
My Wicked Thoughts
OK, I admit it. I think some, let's say, "not so nice" things at times. I often do one thing while thinking another.
Especially where my husband is concerned.
In spite of what I do for my husband, I know that my motivation isn't always quite right. Sometimes (no, make that most times) I do things not out of love but to get my own way.
"If I do this for him, eventually he'll get the hint and do this or that for me."
~ OR ~
"I'm only doing this because the Bible says I'm supposed to submit to my husband."
~ OR ~
"Why can't he be different, better at _________, more like ___________, smarter, stronger, etc..."
In my marriage I find myself asking those questions far too often. I say I'm his help-meet. I go through the motions, but my thoughts are not right. If I treat him (on the outside) like I love him and would do anything for him, but think thoughts against him, like how lazy he is, or how unloving he is, or how much better I am with the kids, or how I wish he would do something better, then my thought life needs to be re-examined BIG TIME.
I may be respectful and submissive on the outside, but inside I'm rebelling against my God and my husband with my whole heart. I may say that I respect him, but I do not, because I think things against him. I think I'm so clever to pretend I want to obey God by submitting to my husband in everything. But I do not submit in everything. In fact, I submit in hardly anything. And my husband knows it. He can tell I have a deceitful heart. That's why he doesn't open up, doesn't express his feelings, desires. My deceitful heart is the reason he doesn't lead.
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. (Romans 6:12)
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8)
I need to start getting my heart right. I need to focus on my thought life and ask God to help me love my husband and not harbor selfish, wicked thoughts against him by saying/doing one thing, but thinking another.
Lord God, please help me focus on You. Examine my heart and help me eliminate any bad thoughts about my husband. Let me be the help-meet he needs instead of the help-meet I want to give him. Get rid of my selfishness and let me serve him and You.
In Jesus name,
Amen.
Especially where my husband is concerned.
In spite of what I do for my husband, I know that my motivation isn't always quite right. Sometimes (no, make that most times) I do things not out of love but to get my own way.
"If I do this for him, eventually he'll get the hint and do this or that for me."
~ OR ~
"I'm only doing this because the Bible says I'm supposed to submit to my husband."
~ OR ~
"Why can't he be different, better at _________, more like ___________, smarter, stronger, etc..."
In my marriage I find myself asking those questions far too often. I say I'm his help-meet. I go through the motions, but my thoughts are not right. If I treat him (on the outside) like I love him and would do anything for him, but think thoughts against him, like how lazy he is, or how unloving he is, or how much better I am with the kids, or how I wish he would do something better, then my thought life needs to be re-examined BIG TIME.
I may be respectful and submissive on the outside, but inside I'm rebelling against my God and my husband with my whole heart. I may say that I respect him, but I do not, because I think things against him. I think I'm so clever to pretend I want to obey God by submitting to my husband in everything. But I do not submit in everything. In fact, I submit in hardly anything. And my husband knows it. He can tell I have a deceitful heart. That's why he doesn't open up, doesn't express his feelings, desires. My deceitful heart is the reason he doesn't lead.
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. (Romans 6:12)
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8)
I need to start getting my heart right. I need to focus on my thought life and ask God to help me love my husband and not harbor selfish, wicked thoughts against him by saying/doing one thing, but thinking another.
Lord God, please help me focus on You. Examine my heart and help me eliminate any bad thoughts about my husband. Let me be the help-meet he needs instead of the help-meet I want to give him. Get rid of my selfishness and let me serve him and You.
In Jesus name,
Amen.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
He Doesn't Deserve Me.
I'm not what he expected.
I'm not what he bargained for.
I'm certainly not what he wanted.
I know beyond a doubt that Lew (husband) loves me with all his heart. I because I've experienced his love in the ways he takes care of me and the girls. I know because I feel the warmth when he holds me. Not a physical warmth, but a much deeper, "knowing" kind of warmth.
I also know that he never bargained for a wife who would abandon him for things like books, television, women's clubs, the children, my housework, or anything else that's on my personal agenda.
I know that he expected me to follow through on my promises. I promised to put him before a bunch of other stuff, and to make sure I did all those wifely things he needs me to do - cooking, ironing, shopping.
I know that he has been bitterly disappointed in me because I have led him on, telling him I was willing to grow sexually and learn how to please him when I never had any intention to do so. (... and I think he knows that now, so he stopped asking for any kind of sex whatsoever - what a relief).
I broke my promises. I never intended to be the wife he wanted. Not if it meant I would have to do things for him. After all, I'm the woman in this relationship, and the man is supposed to worship and serve the woman. Right? He doesn't serve me, does he?
He works hard so I can have a nicer house than most of my friends. So what?
He provides food and clothing for me and the kids. So what?
He keeps the cars gassed-up and repaired. So what?
He cooks and cleans whenever I'm too tired, or too ticked off to do it. So what?
He takes up the slack for the tasks I'm supposed to do. So what?
He protects me when people talk down to me. So what?
He gives me sex whenever I want it. So what?
Furthermore, he asks too much of me.
He wants me to spend time with him.
He expects me to do go to bed when he does so we be intimate.
He wants me to open up to new things in bed so we can grow our marriage.
He wants me to read marriage books with him.
That's asking for too much.
When I married him I did not expect him to treat me the way he does. He definitely isn't the husband I expected ... or deserve.
Besides, I'm sure when he married me he didn't expect me to treat him like I do. I may be the woman he desired, but I'm not the wife he wants ... or deserves.
I'm not what he bargained for.
I'm certainly not what he wanted.
I know beyond a doubt that Lew (husband) loves me with all his heart. I because I've experienced his love in the ways he takes care of me and the girls. I know because I feel the warmth when he holds me. Not a physical warmth, but a much deeper, "knowing" kind of warmth.
I also know that he never bargained for a wife who would abandon him for things like books, television, women's clubs, the children, my housework, or anything else that's on my personal agenda.
I know that he expected me to follow through on my promises. I promised to put him before a bunch of other stuff, and to make sure I did all those wifely things he needs me to do - cooking, ironing, shopping.
I know that he has been bitterly disappointed in me because I have led him on, telling him I was willing to grow sexually and learn how to please him when I never had any intention to do so. (... and I think he knows that now, so he stopped asking for any kind of sex whatsoever - what a relief).
I broke my promises. I never intended to be the wife he wanted. Not if it meant I would have to do things for him. After all, I'm the woman in this relationship, and the man is supposed to worship and serve the woman. Right? He doesn't serve me, does he?
He works hard so I can have a nicer house than most of my friends. So what?
He provides food and clothing for me and the kids. So what?
He keeps the cars gassed-up and repaired. So what?
He cooks and cleans whenever I'm too tired, or too ticked off to do it. So what?
He takes up the slack for the tasks I'm supposed to do. So what?
He protects me when people talk down to me. So what?
He gives me sex whenever I want it. So what?
Furthermore, he asks too much of me.
He wants me to spend time with him.
He expects me to do go to bed when he does so we be intimate.
He wants me to open up to new things in bed so we can grow our marriage.
He wants me to read marriage books with him.
That's asking for too much.
When I married him I did not expect him to treat me the way he does. He definitely isn't the husband I expected ... or deserve.
Besides, I'm sure when he married me he didn't expect me to treat him like I do. I may be the woman he desired, but I'm not the wife he wants ... or deserves.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Help-Meet or Hinderance
I wonder sometimes if I am truly a help meet to my husband, Lew. I know there are areas where he is frustrated and he needs me to help him. I was given to him, not the other way around. Therefore it is my job to help him in any way I can.
Many times I don't help him. Instead, I put off, avoid, and argue. I do many things, but I do not help.
What is my problem??
Why don't I help my husband? Why do I hinder him in so many ways?
The fact is if I help him ...
Many times I don't help him. Instead, I put off, avoid, and argue. I do many things, but I do not help.
What is my problem??
Why don't I help my husband? Why do I hinder him in so many ways?
The fact is if I help him ...
- he will be happier.
- he will be less likely to look outside the marriage for "certain" kinds of help.
- I will be obeying the Lord.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Proverbs 14:1 - Am I A Builder?
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. (Proverbs 14:1)
This verse is on my agenda right now. I can't help but question whether I'm a builder of my house or a tearer-downer.
I have a confession to make. Sometimes my family gets on my nerves. Yeah, I know. It's hard to imagine that someone as patient and content as I am could say something like that.
I know deep down in my heart that much of the problem lies within me. I'm selfish. My selfishness prevents me from building my house. I'm too busy building my hobbies, my reading list, my Facebook community (ahem), playing my games (ummm ... Yes, GardenDesign 4.0 is a game just like GuitarHero. Maybe not as action packed or so called "stupid," but it is a game nonetheless, and I spend far too much time indulging myself into the wee hours), and on and on. My husband and family need me to build my house by doing some things ...
Cooking and cleaning (hubby does his share as well, believe me)
Raising children,
Loving my husband,
Teaching younger wives,
Keeping my finances in order.
There are others for sure, but these were at the top of my head and the tip of my fingers.
I should be doing these things instead of getting lost for hours and hours on the computer or in a good book without any idea what's going on around me.
And speaking of a Good Book, what about when I spend all day researching Bible topics and I don't pay attention to anything around me? Not the kids, not the meals, not the husband, not anything? Am I sinning then? Am I tearing down my house?
Ouch.
I do that ALL THE TIME.
I better pay more attention to how I go about my day. I have to heed the Word of God and build up my house rather than tear it down with my own hands like a fool.
This verse is on my agenda right now. I can't help but question whether I'm a builder of my house or a tearer-downer.
I have a confession to make. Sometimes my family gets on my nerves. Yeah, I know. It's hard to imagine that someone as patient and content as I am could say something like that.
I know deep down in my heart that much of the problem lies within me. I'm selfish. My selfishness prevents me from building my house. I'm too busy building my hobbies, my reading list, my Facebook community (ahem), playing my games (ummm ... Yes, GardenDesign 4.0 is a game just like GuitarHero. Maybe not as action packed or so called "stupid," but it is a game nonetheless, and I spend far too much time indulging myself into the wee hours), and on and on. My husband and family need me to build my house by doing some things ...
Cooking and cleaning (hubby does his share as well, believe me)
Raising children,
Loving my husband,
Teaching younger wives,
Keeping my finances in order.
There are others for sure, but these were at the top of my head and the tip of my fingers.
I should be doing these things instead of getting lost for hours and hours on the computer or in a good book without any idea what's going on around me.
And speaking of a Good Book, what about when I spend all day researching Bible topics and I don't pay attention to anything around me? Not the kids, not the meals, not the husband, not anything? Am I sinning then? Am I tearing down my house?
Ouch.
I do that ALL THE TIME.
I better pay more attention to how I go about my day. I have to heed the Word of God and build up my house rather than tear it down with my own hands like a fool.
Friday, May 4, 2012
When He Wants More
Okay, it's gonna be another sex post.
What do you do when your husband wants more in bed than you want to give him?
A: Let him live without it. He's a grown man and he needs to suck it up and live with disappointment for the rest of his life. This is a dangerous way of thinking. Husbands have needs and us wives were given to them as a helper, for this very reason (among others).
B: Tell him it's okay for him to find what he needs somewhere else.Even more dangerous. To bring a third party into the one-flesh union is not godly, is not biblical. DON'T DO IT. Besides, he wants you to "do him," not someone else.
C: Learn to reverence your husband and stop withholding something he needs. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Cor 7:5) Whatever it is, start doing it. If you don't know how, ask him to help you or read a book, but for goodness sake stop denying your husband something he is desiring.
That's my rant for today.
What do you do when your husband wants more in bed than you want to give him?
A: Let him live without it. He's a grown man and he needs to suck it up and live with disappointment for the rest of his life. This is a dangerous way of thinking. Husbands have needs and us wives were given to them as a helper, for this very reason (among others).
B: Tell him it's okay for him to find what he needs somewhere else.Even more dangerous. To bring a third party into the one-flesh union is not godly, is not biblical. DON'T DO IT. Besides, he wants you to "do him," not someone else.
C: Learn to reverence your husband and stop withholding something he needs. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Cor 7:5) Whatever it is, start doing it. If you don't know how, ask him to help you or read a book, but for goodness sake stop denying your husband something he is desiring.
That's my rant for today.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Walking and Talking
Lew and I went for a nice walk after dinner tonight. We held hands and strolled leisurely down the path at a park near our house (well, okay, 3 miles from our house). It was wonderful to just be near the man I love, holding hands, chatting about stuff. <insert long sigh here>
Do you take time out of your busy life to walk at leisure with your man?
Do you take time out of your busy life to walk at leisure with your man?
Friday, January 13, 2012
Buck Naked Marriage
Lew and I are reading Buck Naked Marriage by Dr. Corey Allen. He's a Christian author who has written several books about marriage.
We're reading this particular book together because of it's strong, straightforward advice for married couples. It's great to spend time learning together and sharing our thoughts as we improve our relationship.
What books have you read that helped you improve your marriage?
We're reading this particular book together because of it's strong, straightforward advice for married couples. It's great to spend time learning together and sharing our thoughts as we improve our relationship.
What books have you read that helped you improve your marriage?
Friday, November 25, 2011
Leviticus 18:19
Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. (Leviticus 18:19)
Obscure verse, I know. does anyone even read Leviticus anymore?
Well, um, yes. I do.
I never really gave this verse much thought in particular. Whenever I was menstruating and my husband wanted sex, I was game as long as he was. Neither of us bothered to think about the implications of what we were doing.
This verse clearly states that my husband is NOT supposed to delve into my nether regions when I'm menstruating. There are many Old Testament laws that were overturned or changed when Christ came to save the world. This law has not been changed.
But what if he need to release his sexual tension? What then?
Well, ladies, there are things you can and should do with your two hands and your two lips to relieve his tension.
As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. (Song of Solomon 2:3)
His needs do not decrease during this time, so it just isn't right to do nothing. As it says in 1 Corinthians 7:5, Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
So, when I'm menstruating and Lew gotta have it, I give him wonderful, intense pleasure, all without intercourse. It's the law, ladies.
Obscure verse, I know. does anyone even read Leviticus anymore?
Well, um, yes. I do.
I never really gave this verse much thought in particular. Whenever I was menstruating and my husband wanted sex, I was game as long as he was. Neither of us bothered to think about the implications of what we were doing.
This verse clearly states that my husband is NOT supposed to delve into my nether regions when I'm menstruating. There are many Old Testament laws that were overturned or changed when Christ came to save the world. This law has not been changed.
But what if he need to release his sexual tension? What then?
Well, ladies, there are things you can and should do with your two hands and your two lips to relieve his tension.
As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. (Song of Solomon 2:3)
His needs do not decrease during this time, so it just isn't right to do nothing. As it says in 1 Corinthians 7:5, Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
So, when I'm menstruating and Lew gotta have it, I give him wonderful, intense pleasure, all without intercourse. It's the law, ladies.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Chess
Two Facts:
Fact 1:
I'm obsessed with organization. Everything has to be neatly packed away so that nothing is out in the open that doesn't belong out in the open.
Fact 2:
My husband loves chess. He has a hand carved chess set that was given to him by a good friend a number of years ago.
After we moved into our new (ish) house, he didn't bother with the chess set for a long, long time. When I asked him about it, he showed me exactly what the problem was. He opened the closet door, removed twelve (yes TWELVE) boxes, stacking them neatly on the floor. Then he shifted another stack of boxes to the left, removed a small fire safe and finally retrieved the chess game. Then he replaced all the items he had to remove to actually reach his game.
In my zeal to organize the house to my liking, I completely ignored his needs in that regard. He needs his chess game to be accessible, and not to be stored in such a way that it takes such heroic effort just to get to it.
Do you allow your husband to keep his things handy? Are his hobbies hidden away, out of view? Can he easily reach the things he enjoys?
I can tell you that we have now found a place for his chess set so he can play whenever he wants to. He and my oldest daughter are in the middle of a game right now. I'm glad he was willing to show me in such a kind way what the problem was.
I love him with all my heart.
Fact 1:
I'm obsessed with organization. Everything has to be neatly packed away so that nothing is out in the open that doesn't belong out in the open.
Fact 2:
My husband loves chess. He has a hand carved chess set that was given to him by a good friend a number of years ago.
After we moved into our new (ish) house, he didn't bother with the chess set for a long, long time. When I asked him about it, he showed me exactly what the problem was. He opened the closet door, removed twelve (yes TWELVE) boxes, stacking them neatly on the floor. Then he shifted another stack of boxes to the left, removed a small fire safe and finally retrieved the chess game. Then he replaced all the items he had to remove to actually reach his game.
In my zeal to organize the house to my liking, I completely ignored his needs in that regard. He needs his chess game to be accessible, and not to be stored in such a way that it takes such heroic effort just to get to it.
Do you allow your husband to keep his things handy? Are his hobbies hidden away, out of view? Can he easily reach the things he enjoys?
I can tell you that we have now found a place for his chess set so he can play whenever he wants to. He and my oldest daughter are in the middle of a game right now. I'm glad he was willing to show me in such a kind way what the problem was.
I love him with all my heart.
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