I was taught from a very young age to follow my heart.  Whenever there was a decision to be made, I listened to that advice.  My mother, who I always looked up to, seemed to know what she was talking about and she never seemed to steer me in the wrong direction.

Except when it came to that particular advice.

Should I really follow my heart?  What does God tell us in His Word?


The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9)

I've been having a great deal of trouble with this lately, especially when it comes to Lew (husband) and our marriage.  I know he is the head of our family and he is the leader of the pack, but sometimes my heart wants to run the other way.

Do you ever feel like that?  When your husband asks you to do something you don't particularly want to do and you just roll your eyes back in your head while silently screaming "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"  Your heart strings are pulling you one way and your husband is pulling you elsewhere.

What should you do?

Well, I personally have had issues where I have outright refused to do some things my husband has wanted.  Sometimes I've even said "no."  Sometimes I've gotten nasty and angry about it.  Sometimes I've given stipulations such as "after all of X or Y is finished, then we can do Z," or "When I have some extra time I'll (fill-in-the-blank)."  It all means "no."  It's my rebellious, deceitful heart trying to let me think I can do whatever I want.

The Bible says
 

Does He Rejoice In Me?

"Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth." (Proverbs 5:18)

In this verse the author is addressing husbands.  It's sort of a charge to be happy with the woman they married.  Every time I read it I stop and think, Is Lew (husband) happy with the woman he married?  Does he "rejoice" in me?  Do I give him something to rejoice about?

I know complacency sneaks into every marriage at some point.  Lew and I have gotten to the point where we are comfortable.  "Comfortable" in the sense that he knows where the limits are, and so do I.  But is that really the way our marriage should be?  Should my husband be "comfortable" or should he be rejoicing?  

As I take a good, honest look at myself, I can see that I have not been an easy woman for my husband to live with.  Most days I complain more than I compliment, I scowl more than I smile, and I say no more than I say yes.  Am I the sort of person who will cause my husband to rejoice? Oh, goody. She's complaining about everything ... again. How joyous.

When Lew and I got married, I promised myself I would not be the same kind of woman I was during my first marriage.  I was going to be different.  I would be more giving, more open, more sexual, more accepting.  What I have become instead is more of the same.

ENOUGH!  

I want to be the wife of my husband's dreams.  I want him to rejoice every time he sees me.  I want to be blessed in the knowledge that he is happy he married me.

Like I Promised

Recently my husband and I attended a marriage workshop that was part of the re|engage marriage curriculum.  I attended reluctantly as I don't enjoy myself when the Holy Spirit convicts me as I listen to speakers and work through the questions.

There was a point during the workshop when the question came up, "Do you love your spouse the way you promised you would?"

I felt a sudden wave come over me like I was either going to faint or cry.  Or maybe a little of both.

My short answer was "no."

Now here's my long answer.

I have made promises along the way that I intended to keep.  I also made promises I had no intention of keeping.  Basically, I have not loved my husband the way I promised to.  I have given him false hope that some day I would get around to doing this or learning that when in fact I have never had any intention of doing any of it.

Why do I operate under false pretenses like this?  I know he longs for me to be the wife I promised him I'd be, to learn how to please him and love him, and to do the things I said I would do, but when it comes down to action I chicken out because I prefer to take the easy way out.  I don't like to put myself out or make myself feel uncomfortable in any way.  It doesn't matter that the person I made promises to is my own husband, the man who is supposed to trust me more than anyone else.  If I don't feel like doing it, you might as well forget about it.  It isn't going to happen.  Ever.

Well, that's about to change.  Lew (husband) is going to find himself married to a different woman and he isn't going to know what hit him.  First I'll have to attend to a few essential details so he doesn't suspect that I've replaced myself with a clone.
1. I'm going to confess and ask forgiveness, from God and from Lew.
2. I'm going to ask him (again) what he wants from me as his wife - what will make him happy.
3. I'm going to do those things.
4. I'm going to learn (and practice) those things I don't know how to do.

I'm going to love him the way I promised I would.

 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:11-12)

We Are Family?

Are we a family? 

I know that by legal definition we are a family, but are Lew (husband) and I a "family?"  Do I treat him the way I would treat my brother, sister, mother, father?

Recently my father was diagnosed with an irregular heart beat and high blood pressure.  My first response was to call him and ask if he was okay, then offer to come and stay so he could rest.

My sister recently slipped and fell in her driveway, twisting her ankle.  She used crutches for two weeks.  I went to her house every day to help her clean.
 My brother had an accident with his car.  I know he doesn't have much money, so I offered to drive him to work until he was able to get other transportation.

When my mother came down with the flu I made a week's worth of meals, drove to their house (one and a half hours away) and delivered them.


By contrast, when my husband had surgery last month I looked at him with disgust as he sat around the house.  I made him clean the closets and organize the basement.  After all, it was the least he could do since he wasn't doing anything else to help around here. Nevermind that a team of doctors said that he shouldn't lift anything for a few weeks. 

See my point?  I haven't treated my husband like family in his own house.  It's almost as if he's "less than" family and doesn't deserve to be treated as well as them. 

What about you?  Do you give your husband the same love you give your other family?  Do you protect him and provide cover for his weaknesses?  Or do you think about his infirmities with disgust and contempt?  When he is sick, sore and tired, do you let him rest? 

When we marry, we take on a new identity.  We become one flesh with another person.  If our husbands aren't accepted by us as family members, then we will always treat them as bothersome intruders, placed in our lives to disrupt our agendas. 

Let's start to treat our husbands like family.  Sometimes we're the only family they have.

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart. (Proverbs, 11:29)