OK, I admit it. I think some, let's say, "not so nice" things at times. I often do one thing while thinking another.
Especially where my husband is concerned.
In spite of what I do for my husband, I know that my motivation isn't always quite right. Sometimes (no, make that most times) I do things not out of love but to get my own way.
"If I do this for him, eventually he'll get the hint and do this or that for me."
~ OR ~
"I'm only doing this because the Bible says I'm supposed to submit to my husband."
~ OR ~
"Why can't he be different, better at _________, more like ___________, smarter, stronger, etc..."
In my marriage I find myself asking those questions far too often. I say I'm his help-meet. I go through the motions, but my thoughts are not right. If I treat him (on the outside) like I love him and would do anything for him, but think thoughts against him, like how lazy he is, or how unloving he is, or how much better I am with the kids, or how I wish he would do something better, then my thought life needs to be re-examined BIG TIME.
I may be respectful and submissive on the outside, but inside I'm rebelling against my God and my husband with my whole heart. I may say that I respect him, but I do not, because I think things against him. I think I'm so clever to pretend I want to obey God by submitting to my husband in everything. But I do not submit in everything. In fact, I submit in hardly anything. And my husband knows it. He can tell I have a deceitful heart. That's why he doesn't open up, doesn't express his feelings, desires. My deceitful heart is the reason he doesn't lead.
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. (Romans 6:12)
Finally, brethren,
whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever
things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are
lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue,
and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8)
I need to start getting my heart right. I need to focus on my thought life and ask God to help me love my husband and not harbor selfish, wicked thoughts against him by saying/doing one thing, but thinking another.
Lord God, please help me focus on You. Examine my heart and help me eliminate any bad thoughts about my husband. Let me be the help-meet he needs instead of the help-meet I want to give him. Get rid of my selfishness and let me serve him and You.
In Jesus name,
Amen.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
He Doesn't Deserve Me.
I'm not what he expected.
I'm not what he bargained for.
I'm certainly not what he wanted.
I know beyond a doubt that Lew (husband) loves me with all his heart. I because I've experienced his love in the ways he takes care of me and the girls. I know because I feel the warmth when he holds me. Not a physical warmth, but a much deeper, "knowing" kind of warmth.
I also know that he never bargained for a wife who would abandon him for things like books, television, women's clubs, the children, my housework, or anything else that's on my personal agenda.
I know that he expected me to follow through on my promises. I promised to put him before a bunch of other stuff, and to make sure I did all those wifely things he needs me to do - cooking, ironing, shopping.
I know that he has been bitterly disappointed in me because I have led him on, telling him I was willing to grow sexually and learn how to please him when I never had any intention to do so. (... and I think he knows that now, so he stopped asking for any kind of sex whatsoever - what a relief).
I broke my promises. I never intended to be the wife he wanted. Not if it meant I would have to do things for him. After all, I'm the woman in this relationship, and the man is supposed to worship and serve the woman. Right? He doesn't serve me, does he?
He works hard so I can have a nicer house than most of my friends. So what?
He provides food and clothing for me and the kids. So what?
He keeps the cars gassed-up and repaired. So what?
He cooks and cleans whenever I'm too tired, or too ticked off to do it. So what?
He takes up the slack for the tasks I'm supposed to do. So what?
He protects me when people talk down to me. So what?
He gives me sex whenever I want it. So what?
Furthermore, he asks too much of me.
He wants me to spend time with him.
He expects me to do go to bed when he does so we be intimate.
He wants me to open up to new things in bed so we can grow our marriage.
He wants me to read marriage books with him.
That's asking for too much.
When I married him I did not expect him to treat me the way he does. He definitely isn't the husband I expected ... or deserve.
Besides, I'm sure when he married me he didn't expect me to treat him like I do. I may be the woman he desired, but I'm not the wife he wants ... or deserves.
I'm not what he bargained for.
I'm certainly not what he wanted.
I know beyond a doubt that Lew (husband) loves me with all his heart. I because I've experienced his love in the ways he takes care of me and the girls. I know because I feel the warmth when he holds me. Not a physical warmth, but a much deeper, "knowing" kind of warmth.
I also know that he never bargained for a wife who would abandon him for things like books, television, women's clubs, the children, my housework, or anything else that's on my personal agenda.
I know that he expected me to follow through on my promises. I promised to put him before a bunch of other stuff, and to make sure I did all those wifely things he needs me to do - cooking, ironing, shopping.
I know that he has been bitterly disappointed in me because I have led him on, telling him I was willing to grow sexually and learn how to please him when I never had any intention to do so. (... and I think he knows that now, so he stopped asking for any kind of sex whatsoever - what a relief).
I broke my promises. I never intended to be the wife he wanted. Not if it meant I would have to do things for him. After all, I'm the woman in this relationship, and the man is supposed to worship and serve the woman. Right? He doesn't serve me, does he?
He works hard so I can have a nicer house than most of my friends. So what?
He provides food and clothing for me and the kids. So what?
He keeps the cars gassed-up and repaired. So what?
He cooks and cleans whenever I'm too tired, or too ticked off to do it. So what?
He takes up the slack for the tasks I'm supposed to do. So what?
He protects me when people talk down to me. So what?
He gives me sex whenever I want it. So what?
Furthermore, he asks too much of me.
He wants me to spend time with him.
He expects me to do go to bed when he does so we be intimate.
He wants me to open up to new things in bed so we can grow our marriage.
He wants me to read marriage books with him.
That's asking for too much.
When I married him I did not expect him to treat me the way he does. He definitely isn't the husband I expected ... or deserve.
Besides, I'm sure when he married me he didn't expect me to treat him like I do. I may be the woman he desired, but I'm not the wife he wants ... or deserves.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Who Do You Serve?
The question is ... who do I serve?
I often say it is a privilege to serve and respect my husband, even reverence him, as the Bible commands (Ephesians 5:33). But who do I serve ... really?
Myself.
Here's what I mean ...
Every time I give Lew (husband) a hard time about something because it isn't the way I want it, I'm serving myself. Not my husband, not my Savior, myself.
Every time I give my husband something I want him to have instead of something he actually wants or needs, I'm serving myself. Not him.
Every time I refuse him sexually of the kind of intimacy he desires but instead give him the sex I want him to have, I'm serving myself. Not him.
It's disobedience, ladies. Plain and simple. God expects us to reverence our husbands and obey and respect them.
When we refuse to consider that they need something that we don't want to give them, but instead give them something else - something that's acceptable to us, we are disobeying God's commands.
When sex is always my way, with only 20 seconds of his way added in a couple times a year to "make him happy," it destroys any chance for the marriage to achieve oneness. No wonder men look at other women, view pornography, and have affairs. If they can't be fulfilled in their own marriages by their own wives, they will fall to Satan's temptations.
Here's what I, personally, will do:
I will pay attention to my husband's needs. Deep down I know many of the things he wants and needs, but I don't allow him to have them because they are inconvenient, make me uncomfortable, or otherwise don't meet my criteria. I need to stop that. I need to recognize that when I obey and serve (and yes, reverence) my husband, I am obeying the Lord. Likewise, when I disobey my husband I also disobey the Lord. When I run his desires through my agenda and say, "um .... no. I don't think so," I am saying "no" to God. It's the same thing. When I disrespect my hubby, I disrespect my Savior. When my kids see me disrespecting him, they learn to do likewise.
You might say, "But what if my husband won't tell me what he wants?"
That question is a cop-out. There are many things we know beyond all doubt that our husband desire from us, but they no longer will express it out of frustration or exhaustion from the quest. You know I'm right. Our job is to repent of our personal agendas and serve and reverence our husbands the way they need us.
Our husbands will be happy and fulfilled and our God will bless our marriages.
I often say it is a privilege to serve and respect my husband, even reverence him, as the Bible commands (Ephesians 5:33). But who do I serve ... really?
Myself.
Here's what I mean ...
Every time I give Lew (husband) a hard time about something because it isn't the way I want it, I'm serving myself. Not my husband, not my Savior, myself.
Every time I give my husband something I want him to have instead of something he actually wants or needs, I'm serving myself. Not him.
Every time I refuse him sexually of the kind of intimacy he desires but instead give him the sex I want him to have, I'm serving myself. Not him.
It's disobedience, ladies. Plain and simple. God expects us to reverence our husbands and obey and respect them.
When we refuse to consider that they need something that we don't want to give them, but instead give them something else - something that's acceptable to us, we are disobeying God's commands.
When sex is always my way, with only 20 seconds of his way added in a couple times a year to "make him happy," it destroys any chance for the marriage to achieve oneness. No wonder men look at other women, view pornography, and have affairs. If they can't be fulfilled in their own marriages by their own wives, they will fall to Satan's temptations.
Here's what I, personally, will do:
I will pay attention to my husband's needs. Deep down I know many of the things he wants and needs, but I don't allow him to have them because they are inconvenient, make me uncomfortable, or otherwise don't meet my criteria. I need to stop that. I need to recognize that when I obey and serve (and yes, reverence) my husband, I am obeying the Lord. Likewise, when I disobey my husband I also disobey the Lord. When I run his desires through my agenda and say, "um .... no. I don't think so," I am saying "no" to God. It's the same thing. When I disrespect my hubby, I disrespect my Savior. When my kids see me disrespecting him, they learn to do likewise.
You might say, "But what if my husband won't tell me what he wants?"
That question is a cop-out. There are many things we know beyond all doubt that our husband desire from us, but they no longer will express it out of frustration or exhaustion from the quest. You know I'm right. Our job is to repent of our personal agendas and serve and reverence our husbands the way they need us.
Our husbands will be happy and fulfilled and our God will bless our marriages.
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