Friday, December 2, 2011

Rest A While

My husband Lew is a hard worker.  When he works.  I don't mean that to sound demeaning whatsoever.  He works extremely hard 9 months of the year.  The other 3 months (which happen to be winter), he is off. 

It used to bother me that he didn't have the same desire as I do for undertaking home improvement jobs or reorganization projects (like, um, alphabetizing everything we own - don't get me started).  Then an amazing thing happened.

Lew got sick and had to take four days off work.  But he still had to do his paperwork so it wouldn't pile up on his desk.  Every morning a courier would bring a box filled with manilla file folders, and every evening a different courier would take them away.  Lew spend at least six hours each day working.  While he was sick. 

While I realize that being home allowed him to take his time and not rush through the work .... six hours of paper work is very intense.  And that doesn't include floor time, testing, and training his crew.  His brain must be fried by the end of the day let alone by the end of December.

Now that I have a more realistic view of what the man deals with during his 9 month work schedule, I have laid off the pressure for him to produce during his downtime.  Sure, there are still things that have to get done, and he is happy to do them.  In his own way, in his own time.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Leviticus 18:19

Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. (Leviticus 18:19)

Obscure verse, I know.  does anyone even read Leviticus anymore?

Well, um, yes.  I do.

I never really gave this verse much thought in particular.  Whenever I was menstruating and my husband wanted sex, I was game as long as he was.  Neither of us bothered to think about the implications of what we were doing.

This verse clearly states that my husband is NOT supposed to delve into my nether regions when I'm menstruating.  There are many Old Testament laws that were overturned or changed when Christ came to save the world.  This law has not been changed.

But what if he need to release his sexual tension?  What then?

Well, ladies, there are things you can and should do with your two hands and your two lips to relieve his tension. 

As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. (Song of Solomon 2:3)

His needs do not decrease during this time, so it just isn't right to do nothing.  As it says in 1 Corinthians 7:5, Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

So, when I'm menstruating and Lew gotta have it, I give him wonderful, intense pleasure, all without intercourse.  It's the law, ladies.  

Friday, November 4, 2011

Chess

Two Facts:

Fact 1:
I'm obsessed with organization.  Everything has to be neatly packed away so that nothing is out in the open that doesn't belong out in the open.  

Fact 2:
My husband loves chess.  He has a hand carved chess set that was given to him by a good friend a number of years ago. 

After we moved into our new (ish) house, he didn't bother with the chess set for a long, long time.  When I asked him about it, he showed me exactly what the problem was.  He opened the closet door, removed twelve (yes TWELVE) boxes, stacking them neatly on the floor.  Then he shifted another stack of boxes to the left, removed a small fire safe and finally retrieved the chess game.  Then he replaced all the items he had to remove to actually reach his game.

In my zeal to organize the house to my liking, I completely ignored his needs in that regard.  He needs his chess game to be accessible, and not to be stored in such a way that it takes such heroic effort just to get to it.

Do you allow your husband to keep his things handy?  Are his hobbies hidden away, out of view?  Can he easily reach the things he enjoys?

I can tell you that we have now found a place for his chess set so he can play whenever he wants to.  He and my oldest daughter are in the middle of a game right now.  I'm glad he was willing to show me in such a kind way what the problem was.

I love him with all my heart. 


Friday, October 7, 2011

The Penguin

My husband Lew had a penguin.  It wasn't a real penguin, it was a little, plastic toy that he kept on the mantle of his house.  I never really asked him about it because I just figured it was a little whimsical thing he chose as a decoration, to add a bit of fun to an otherwise blah (in my humble opinion) atmosphere.

Fast forward 3 years.

After our honeymoon we moved from our separate places into "our house."  We unpacked box after box and put our things away.  when I unpacked the box that contained the penguin, I hid the little bugger in the back of a kitchen drawer, then trashed it when he wasn't looking.

Lew was out of sorts because he couldn't find the penguin.  Actually, distraught was more accurate.  I couldn't understand what the problem was.

"That stupid little penguin?  I thought it was just a plastic toy.  I got rid of it.  Why?"

He actually cried.

You see, the penguin was a McDonald's Happy Meal toy that was given to him by his sister.  Her son (Lew's nephew) asked her, as he lay dying in a children's cancer unit, to give Lew the penguin.  He kept it on his mantle ever since.

I had no idea.  I felt like wretching. There was no way to replace that penguin.  I searched and purchased one on ebay, but it wasn't the same one.  Of course, Lew forgave me, and the replacement penguin is on display in our dining room, but every time I look at it I am reminded of my cold, unfeeling heart toward the man I love.

Why didn't I ask him about the penguin?  I don't know.

I urge all you wives out there to not belittle or discount the silly little things your husband has sitting around.  I implore you to find out why he hangs onto that matchbox car, or that little piece of colored ribbon, or that cheap plastic lawn ornament.  That stupid, ugly, broken thing might have deep significance to your husband.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Monday Pick Me Up

I like to make a nice dessert and pack it in Lew's lunch on Monday morning.  He and his coworkers work long, hard hours on Monday and, well, a nice dessert in his lunch couldn't hurt, right? 

Friday, September 9, 2011

Solomon Must Be Kidding, Right?

In my post Intimacy - A Man's Way I talked about my husband Lew and the fact that he strives for a "Song of Solomon" sort of physical intimacy with me, rather than what the world deems normal in the sexual realm. 

I must admit that I was skeptical at first.  After all, my first husband never pushed for such deeply intimate things. He never asked me to be so open and vulnerable that I would lose myself in the way he felt, sounded, smelled, looked, tasted?

Wait a minute.  Yes he did.  I was the one who wouldn't give in and let myself go.  What was I thinking?  I spent my entire first marriage in deliberate disobedience to God and to my husband.  It's probably because I never saw sex as something holy, something designed by God as a gift to married people.

But as I began studying the beautiful poetry of Solomon in his Song of Songs, I realized more and more that God meant for me to make passionate, intimate love to my husband, and to let him make passionate, intimate love to me. 


As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. (Song of Solomon 2:3)

This is one of the ways that my Lord has outlined as perfect, sexual love between a husband and wife.  It says that I should sit in his shadow and taste his fruit.  Almost every Bible scholar I can think of, plus my own pastor, his wife, AND my Titus 2 mentor (whom I trust with my life) have agreed that Solomon is talking about an oral-genital caress. (I'm not going into detail here - I think we all know what that is.) 

As I studied and asked more and more questions, it became clear to me that I needed to submit to my husband's wishes and obey the Lord as he outlined His perfect plan for married sexual love.  I was convicted to give Lew the wife who would love him they way God intended.  I decided to be a Song of Solomon lover for him and get absolutely lost in sexual intimacy with my husband.

I asked him to help me learn and to guide me, which was difficult and embarrassing for both of us at first. To lay myself out and accept that kind of specific sexual instruction from Lew was, well, awkward at first.  I had many moments of inadequacy.  But Lew was wonderfully supportive as he guided me through the process.

Now we are totally lost in our passion for each other.  There is no hesitation.  I want to experience every inch of him with all five of my senses.

His fruit is sweet to my taste.  

Friday, August 12, 2011

Willing To Learn

Our Bible study group is delving into Proverbs.  This week we were talking about our willingness to learn and what happens when we are not open to learning.

 He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof erreth. (Proverbs 10:17)

This verse hit me right between the eyes.  Truth is I am not open to learning, especially when the topic is uncomfortable.  Come to think of it, I don't like to learn anything at all if it wasn't my idea to begin with.

In our marriage, my wonderful husband Lew has tried to lead me in the direction he feels God is guiding us as a couple and guiding our family.  He tries to lead us and move my stubborn feet, but the fact is that I am not willing to learn.

Please understand that Lew doesn't rule our house like a dictator.  Rather, he is the best example of a servant-leader I have ever seen.  He prays for us and for direction, then he does his best to move us in that direction.  The problem is that I don't always follow his lead, and I don't always open myself up to learn what is necessary to move forward with him.

Granted, he doesn't have all the answers at his disposal.  That's when I should get busy learning.  If I intend to be a submissive wife, then I need to do whatever is necessary to learn a new thing when my husband has made a decision to expand our horizons as a family (or a couple).

Sadly, I do not always conform to his wishes.  Sometimes I think "If I don't make any move toward learning this new skill, then he'll stop prodding and I will be off the hook."

Think again.

When I close myself off from learning something new that will benefit my marriage and my family (and therefore glorify my Heavenly Father), then I am sinning and I must ask Lew's forgiveness.  Then I must go and learn all about it.

Here's to my new found willingness to learn!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Intimacy - A Man's Way

Sometimes I forget the huge differences between Lew and me.  Especially where sex is concerned. 

Sometimes I forget that he needs it more often than I do, and in vastly different ways than I do.  I'm very comfortable with doing it the same way every time, with maybe an occasional twist in direction, but nothing out of the ordinary. 

I should know by now that he has little favorite things that have nothing to do with modern, feminist - driven sex, but rather a Song of Solomon view of sex.  Sex for him is an all-encompassing encounter that sometimes involves all five senses, sometimes only one.  As it should be, as it is written in the Word of God.

I used to have a hard time with that, because I couldn't understand the need for any other kind of sex besides intercourse.  But apparently it isn't always about intercourse.  Husbands need to be affirmed sexually in different ways.  They need to be felt, smelled, tasted, heard, seen.

My own husband needs sex in a completely different way than I do.  To give him sex my way is to deprive him of something he needs - a desire God placed inside Him - a desire that I am supposed to meet for him.  Once I got that through my thick skull and learned what to do, we developed a much more intimate relationship.

Just remember - It really isn't  always about intercourse - it's about connection.  It's about being willing to do the most intimate things possible to bless and bring pleasure to your own husband.  That's what you agreed to when you said you would marry him.


Friday, July 1, 2011

About That Titus 2 Woman ...

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5)

Alrighteee then, let's tackle this woman one piece at a time, shall we?

The aged women 
Old ladies. These are the ones who have been married, who have been around the block.  They know about stuff.  They know how to cook, bake, clean, wash and iron clothes, give sexual pleasure (surely not - ummmm, surely SO), 

likewise,
Whenever the word "likewise" appears in the Bible, you have to go back and see what came before it, so you have a comparison to "liken" it to.  In this case, the previous verse is  ....That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. (v.4)  In other words, the old ladies should be the same way the old me are.

that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness,
They should behave in a holy manner, devoted to the service of God. 

not false accusers,
They must not be involved in gossip.


not given to much wine,
They shouldn't be drunkards. That is not to say that they should never touch the stuff, but that they should not drink in excess.  Don't forget Jesus drank wine, and we are supposed to emulate Him, so ....

teachers of good things;
This shouldn't need any comment, but I suppose I should expound on it just a bit.  The older women should teach nice things, not evil things.  They should always model the best way to do something, and never be an example of what not to do.

That they may teach the young women to be sober,
They should teach the young women about moderation.  I believe this means more than just the consumption of alcohol. In today's world it must also be extended to drug abuse.  The older women must instruct the youngsters about the evils of substance abuse.

to love their husbands,
 This is where I get into trouble every time.  These older ladies are not stupid, or naive, or innocent by any stretch of the imagination.  They know about loving a husband.  They know about giving pleasure to a man.  Aaaannnd ... They are instructed, in this verse, to teach the young women how to love their husbands.
I don't believe this to include the nuts and bolts of household stuff like cooking and cleaning, as those things are covered in the next verse.  Therefore, this must refer to things of a sexual nature.  After all, a young wife will have questions that will need to be answered in a clear, no-nonsense way, without the shame that is so often attached to such questions.  Here, the instruction is clearly given to teach these things to young women.

to love their children,
Every new mother needs help with the children.  Frustrations arise with discipline, diet, and a whole host of other issues.  God is clearly indicating that the older women must help the young women with their children.

To be discreet,
To avoid causing embarrassment to yourself of others.

chaste,
Don't sleep around. Duh.

keepers at home,
Young wives need to learn homemaking skills like cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing, etc.  God's design calls for women to keep the home and men to earn the cash.  That's the plan.  We should get back to that plan, don't you think?

obedient to their own husbands,
The critical word here is "obedient." God does not mince words here.  O-B-E-D-I-E-N-T to their own husbands. In my mind, this means the old ladies are supposed to be teaching the young ladies to OBEY their own husbands.  Not someone else's idea of a husband.  Each wife has a unique husband with unique ways, unique needs, unique desires.  Each young wife should be instructed in how to obey her own unique husband, so that when he asks her to do something, no matter what it is, she is competent and able to do it to his satisfaction.  


This may sound a bit archaic, but it is, in fact, the Word of God.  And God doesn't put things in writing unless He expects us to obey Him.

that the word of God be not blasphemed.  
If the older women teach the younger women these things, and the younger women pay attention, they will be showing respect for the Word of God.  Otherwise, they are disrespecting their Creator.  It may sound harsh, but like I said, He didn't put it in writing to have us ignore it.

That's what I'm studying right now.  It's a lot to take in, but I'm sure I'll be a better wife for my own husband, and he (and God) will be pleased.

 
 
 
 
  
  



 

Friday, June 17, 2011

The Nether Regions

I'm not going to write many posts about my dear, first husband who passed away quite suddenly in his sleep.  However, this topic is relevant to my blog, so I'm going into this topic today. 

My first husband was a dear, dear man who truly loved me as Christ loved the church.  He was selfless and generous to a fault. He went to such extremes as to not ever make me feel uncomfortable in any way, including a time when he underwent surgery to remove a small mass from his upper thigh. 

The post-surgery care included the changing of bandages and cleaning of the wound.  He wouldn't let me do any of that, preferring to clean his own wound and reapply a fresh bandage. 

He and I argued about it, but he made it clear that he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable to have to go "down there" and clean him.

"Why do you think that would make me feel uncomfortable?"

His reply: "You don't like to get up close and personal with that part of me."

Ouch.  He was right.  I never thought about it.  I was downright repulsed by the prospect of any up close examination of my own husband's private parts.  Now when he needed me to be comfortable (VERY COMFORTABLE) looking, cleaning, examining, and being extremely familiar with every inch of him, he didn't feel that I would want to be bothered.

Plus, I'm sure it would be humiliating to him if he had even a passing inkling that I was thinking to myself, "Ewwww!"

I did this to him by my attitude and my actions.  There were certain parts of him that I simply would not explore, especially putting my face down there.

Then when he needed me to do a practical thing that a wife should do, he didn't trust that I would be willing to follow through, so he did it all by himself.

Talk about being a help-meet.  Sheesh!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Seeking Titus 2 Woman

I am no Bible scholar, but it seems to me that much of what is written in God's word has stood the test of time for a reason.  I believe that the instructions found in His Word are every bit as relevant today as they were when written.

Which brings me to Titus 2.

I know a lot of fine, upstanding church women who seem, at least on the surface, to be devout followers of Christ.  They read their Bibles, the attend worship services and Bible studies, they help the needy, and do all the things one would expect of a fine, upstanding church woman.

Are they Titus 2 women?

Hmmmm ...

Would I be able to go to any of them with a question about my children?  My husband?  Sex? 
Would they teach me how to love my husband and family?

I'm not so sure.

If I need advice (I mean real, hardcore advice) about such things as a private issue between Lew and me, I cannot imagine going to one of these ladies.  I'm almost certain that they would look at me differently ... as lesser than themselves ... for bringing up a taboo topic.

What a shame.  What I'm looking for is a woman who will sit with me and discuss the ins and outs of motherhood and wife-hood.  A woman who has been around the block and isn't ashamed of herself for having no-nonsense answers to no-nonsense questions.  A woman who blush and tell me that I shouldn't be asking her those kinds of questions.  I need a woman who will let me say what I have to say, then teach me how to be the best wife I can be for my own husband, without the high and mighty attitude I see in so many fine, upstanding church women.

That's a Titus 2 woman.  That's the woman I'm looking for.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Blew It Again.

I so want to apologize to my husband, but I fear that mere words will not suffice.

Last week we attended the funeral of my husband's loving mother.  She was a wonderful wife and mother, and the most generous mother in law you'd ever hope to know.  She died after a year long battle with kidney failure.  She will surely be missed.

Now, on to the apology ...

When I received the call early in the morning, my husband was on his way to work. I immediately called him on his cell and he returned home to call his brother and to make the necessary arrangements to travel home to be with his family.

I had other plans.

You see, I'm a cleaner and an organizer.  I began cleaning the house and organizing everything in sight, because I knew it would likely be more than a week before we returned, and I did not want to return to a dirty house.  I showed zero concern for my husband's state of emotions at the loss of his dear mother.  I wanted my house to be spotless before we got in that car.

I wasn't thinking like a help meet at the moment.  If I were, I surely would have remembered the scripture,
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4
I'm quite sure Lew did not feel blessed nor comforted by my actions.  In fact with the way I blew up at him for wanting to (*gasp*) pack our suitcases and go to his brother's house, I'm surprised, nay, THANKFUL that he decided to stay married to me.

What was I thinking?  As a Christian, I am supposed to align my life to the One and Only Jesus Christ.

Jesus would have dropped what he was doing to comfort the man who lost his mother.

If I could go back, I would stop everything an hold the man in my arms and let him cry and cry and cry until he (and I) had nothing left.

Lew hasn't cried yet.  I didn't allow him to mourn when he needed to.  I hope some day he allows himself to mourn.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Mourning a Loss

I would appreciate all of your prayers as my husband's wonderful mother went home to be with Jesus this morning.  A more generous, loving woman you will never find.  I hope to be half the lady she was.


For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5

Friday, April 1, 2011

Defraud Ye Not One The Other

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Corinthians 7:5)


I'm a submissive wife. That means I have chosen to place myself under my husband's authority.  God has blessed me with a godly, loving husband, so I find it quite easy to submit.  So when my husband needs me sexually I freely give him my body for sexual pleasure.  That is and important part of God's plan for marriage. 

But is it enough to just give him my body?  What if I do it half-heartedly?  When I give him sex but withhold my enthusiastic attitude, aren't I still defrauding him?  If I hold my inhibitions close instead of letting go and getting lost in the experience of pleasure, isn't that fraud as well?

I have chosen to submit to my own husband.  That means that what he wants is what I am willing to give.  I am not to defraud him of the pleasure he wants.  (Nor is he to defraud me of the same).  To defraud means to present something that is false.  In other words, if I am capable of giving him more, of giving him exactly what he wants, the way he wants it, and I don't do it, I am guilty of defrauding my husband, and in so doing, I cause him to become vulnerable to sexual temptation.

Sounds harsh.  Well, sometimes the truth is harsh.  I must always remember that my husband faces a barrage of sexual temptations every day, and it is up to me to place a hedge around him by not defrauding him sexually.  I'm not going to sugar coat this.  I intend to give my husband the kind of sex he desires.  I am capable of it, and to do less is sin.  

Friday, March 18, 2011

The Argument

My husband and I had a rather loud disagreement last night.  We really disagreed.  Loudly. L-O-U-D-L-Y.  Anyway, in the midst of our arguing he was busying himself in the kitchen, opening the fridge, closing the fridge, getting a knife, washing the knife, doing some other things.

All the while, I was standing my ground, digging in my heels firmly on my side of the argument.  Finally he announced that he was going to bed.

About a half hour later, I followed him to bed.  I got undressed and slipped in next to him.  I could feel him breathing that certain way that tells me he is fast asleep. I rolled over and slept as well, though not very soundly.

This morning I awoke to an empty bed.  I suppose Lew got up and left without wanting to wake me, either to be polite or for fear of restarting our argument.

I had some appointments in the next town this afternoon, so I wasn't going to be home for lunch today.  I went to the kitchen to get some breakfast.  When I opened the fridge I discovered that he had placed a brown bag with a homemade lunch in the fridge.  For me.

That's what he was doing while we were arguing.  He was making my lunch because he knew I would need something to eat today.  Even while I was yelling at him, he was taking care of my needs.

It got me thinking ...

If the tables were turned, I'm not so sure I would have done the same for him.

He doesn't know it yet, but when he comes home from work I'm going to give him one of his favorite treats.  And I'm not going to stop until he's satisfied, if you get my drift.

Friday, February 18, 2011

God Knew It All Along

I was thinking about Adam and Eve and the fruit, and I came up with a few thoughts.
  • God knew they ate the fruit before He ever confronted them.  He is omnipresent = everywhere, omniscient = all knowing, and omnipotent = all powerful.  Clearly, He knew the whole scene was going down as it was happening.  Why didn't He stop them?
  • God called out to Adam first.  Why not Eve?  Could it be that Adam was the responsible party?  Was he, perhaps, placed in authority over Eve? Hmmm ...
  • God punishes Adam not only for eating the fruit, but also for allowing himself to be persuaded to do so by his wife.  (another hmmm...)  Could it be that God's plan is for the wife to submit to her husband, and NOT for the husband to submit to his wife?  
Anyway, those are my thoughts right now.  I'm glad I chose to submit totally to God and my husband.  

Friday, February 11, 2011

Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

Submission is probably one of the most controversial subjects in the Bible, especially in today's culture of "feminism," where women are encouraged to be equal to men in every way.

When I look at this verse it gives me great peace to know that God has laid out for me a plan that lifts the cares of the world from my shoulders and stills my spirit.

When I studied this verse, just like any other verse, I broke it into parts.

Wives
Well, obviously Paul is addressing wives.  NOT girlfriends, NOT daughters.  He is specifically addressing wives, the people who have made a covenant with their husbands before God.

submit yourselves
The word "submit" means to place oneself under the authority of another.  So wives are instructed to place themselves under the authority

unto your own husbands,
Many women misunderstand this phrase to mean that women must submit to men.  WRONG.  This only refers to one (1) wife and one (1) husband.  Wives are being instructed here to submit to their own husbands.

Each husband is unique in his specific needs and wants, and every wife must place herself under the authority (submission to) her own husband.  She must not concern herself with what most other husband want, nor should she concern herself with what other wives do or don't do.  She must concern herself with her own husband and her submission to him.

as unto the Lord.
"As" means in the same manner.  Simply put, wives must submit to their own husbands in the same way that they submit to the Lord.   In other words, if I live my life under the authority of the Lord, then I must be under my own husband's authority, in the same way.

This caused me to take a very good look at my life and marriage, and the way I conduct myself.  Good grief, I have been so wrong for so long.  If the Lord God called me to do something, would I not obey Him?  Then for goodness sake, why wouldn't I obey my own husband, who, being placed in authority over me by God, has asked me to do something?

And, by the way, I know a bunch of people who will disagree with me.  Spare me your opinions, please.  This is between me, my own husband, and our God.  I will face the judgement seat of God and he alone will determine the extent of my obedience (or disobedience).  I sure want Him to be happy with how I obeyed His instructions.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

I apologize ...

I'm sorry, folks.  I said at the beginning that I would devote most of this blog to helping wives understand the joys of biblical submission.  I sort of got off track recently, but I'm back on the train, and headed in the right direction.

I promise to be more diligent about keeping my focus on God and my husband (in that order), and redirect my blogging toward becoming a more godly wife.

Would this count as a New Year's resolution?  Oh, my!!