Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. – Ephesians 5:24
I always get stuck here.
Not on the verse as a whole, but on the last two words, “every
thing.” This means big and little
things. It means pleasant things and
unpleasant things. It means beautiful
things and ugly things.
When I signed on as a wife, I promised before God and 100+
witnesses to do these things as Lew’s wife.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that God has instructed me to be
subject to my husband in every thing. Admittedly, I don’t always want to do
every thing for my husband. I only wish
to do the things I’m comfortable doing.
You know, the pleasant things … the nice things.
I will gladly cook for him, clean the house, do the laundry,
etc. But when it comes to things that I
feel uneasy about? Well, that’s another
story. After all, I’m his wife, not his
servant.
Wait a minute.
When Jesus saw that His disciples’ feet were dirty, he
washed them (a very lowly, demeaning job in those days). When the people were hungry, He cooked fish
and fed them. When His Father told Him
to die on the cross for my sins, He humbled Himself and did it.
Why, then, would I withhold things from my husband that he
has asked me to do? After all, Jesus
was subject to His Father, no questions asked.
The church is subject to Jesus (well, at least it’s supposed to
be). I am subject to my husband in the
same manner.
When Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, He knew it was the
lowest job He could do. But He did
it. He gladly served. When God the Father told Him He would be put
to death, He did it.
When Lew asked me to do some specific things, I rebelled
against him. I did not want to
submit to his authority concerning those particular things. Those “things,” to me, were not part
of the “every thing” mentioned in the Bible.
Oh, sure I would do it once in a while for, say, 15 seconds, just to
pacify him, and to make myself feel like I was being a submissive wife (“Well I
checked THAT off my list. I hope he’s
happy now”). I was relieved, he felt
guilty, everyone was happy. Right? Boy did I have a lot to learn.
I went on like this until I noticed a change.
Lew stopped asking for “it.” In fact, he stopped asking for sex completely. I was the one who initiated sex. Of course he would always indulge me, but he
never, ever asked for anything. Never
initiated. I was in charge of when,
where, how, and IF we had sex.
Then a woman at church gave me Debi Pearl’s book “Created To
Be His Helpmeet.” I read it and was
convicted. I was a rebellious
wife. I had not submitted to my husband
in every thing, and now my dear husband was wounded. So wounded that he stopped trying for the very thing that makes
him feel like a man.
What did I do?
First, I went to Lew, and asked him to forgive me. I
confessed that I rebelled against God and against him. He confided that he felt guilty and ashamed
to ask for specific things he was longing for, because he was afraid (no,
actually he KNEW) what my reaction would be.
Let me be clear, ladies.
Our husbands should never, EVER feel guilty or ashamed about expressing
their desires to us. They should NEVER
fear rejection from their own wives.
They should feel secure in the knowledge that we love them and reverence
them, and that we take joy in giving them pleasure.
Then I decided to go ahead a do those specific things
he had asked for but I didn’t feel like doing.
You know what?
It was hard. It was
embarrassing. It was awkward. But he was amazing. He was appreciative. He was very supportive. He guided me through it and I learned, and I
grew. And we grew closer and more
intimate than ever before.
Now that I
have made up my mind to dive in with abandon and take care of my husband’s
specific needs, I enjoy giving my husband pleasure and serving him in whatever
way he desires. He would never ask me
to do anything unbiblical or immoral.
He won’t bring pornography or a third person into our marriage bed, so
why wouldn’t I be thrilled to enjoy every inch of the man God meant me to be
with?
I will gladly serve my husband in every thing.
So ladies, what has your husband asked you to do? Is it pleasant or unpleasant? Are you willing to be subject to God and
your husband? You’ll be surprised how
enjoyable it is when you finally abandon yourself to His will.
