Every so often I dabble with the idea of being a Proverbs 31 woman. I mean, it is the ultimate goal as a Christian wife, isn't it? She's the crown jewel of wives, the woman every man wants and every woman wants to become. So, armed with that knowledge, I press on toward my goal (at least one of them) of becoming a better wife by studying the 31st chapter of Proverbs.
As I was reading recently I felt a tug on my heart as I pondered this verse.
The heart of her husband trusteth in her, And he shall have no lack of gain. (Proverbs 31:11)
Okay, so it was more like a shovel to the face than a tug on the heart. I must have read this chapter a bazillion times without once realizing my husband had anything to do with me and Proverbs 31. Apparently he does have something to do with it ...quite an important something.
You see, this woman's husband trusts her from the deepest part of himself. His heart actually feels trust in her. Wow.
What about my husband's heart? Does his heart feel the same trust in me? Have I done the things it takes to earn this kind of trust? Have I been this kind of woman?
In my mind this verse goes far more deep than mere trust. It demands a high calling of me - it charges me with the care of my husband's heart. My husband has a heart for God and His kingdom. If his heart doesn't trust in me ... wow. Just wow.
It causes me to think ... really think. What kind of relationship does Lew (husband) have with me? Does he trust me enough to share everything?
No. I'm afraid not.
He often refrains from sharing what is on his heart. Perhaps it's because of his pledge as a Christian husband to sacrifice for me, or perhaps it's because he's afraid of my reaction, as my past reactions have been less than nice. Perhaps he has just given up trying to share his heart because of the way I disrespect him with my snide little comments.
You see, when left to my own devices I tend to be selfish. I want my house a certain way. I want to sit and do what I want to do, often having no idea what he is doing to keep the household going. Then I sweep through the family and rip everyone to pieces when everything isn't exactly right. When he disagrees with me I either shout at him or cry. No wonder his heart doesn't feel safe enough to trust me.
Add to that the biting comments and put downs, and you have a carefully crafted disaster. I hear myself saying these awful things to him, but he never strikes back.
He is a wonderful husband. I am his wife. I should work harder to provide an atmosphere in which his heart can trust in me.
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