Blew It Again.

I so want to apologize to my husband, but I fear that mere words will not suffice.

Last week we attended the funeral of my husband's loving mother.  She was a wonderful wife and mother, and the most generous mother in law you'd ever hope to know.  She died after a year long battle with kidney failure.  She will surely be missed.

Now, on to the apology ...

When I received the call early in the morning, my husband was on his way to work. I immediately called him on his cell and he returned home to call his brother and to make the necessary arrangements to travel home to be with his family.

I had other plans.

You see, I'm a cleaner and an organizer.  I began cleaning the house and organizing everything in sight, because I knew it would likely be more than a week before we returned, and I did not want to return to a dirty house.  I showed zero concern for my husband's state of emotions at the loss of his dear mother.  I wanted my house to be spotless before we got in that car.

I wasn't thinking like a help meet at the moment.  If I were, I surely would have remembered the scripture,
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4
I'm quite sure Lew did not feel blessed nor comforted by my actions.  In fact with the way I blew up at him for wanting to (*gasp*) pack our suitcases and go to his brother's house, I'm surprised, nay, THANKFUL that he decided to stay married to me.

What was I thinking?  As a Christian, I am supposed to align my life to the One and Only Jesus Christ.

Jesus would have dropped what he was doing to comfort the man who lost his mother.

If I could go back, I would stop everything an hold the man in my arms and let him cry and cry and cry until he (and I) had nothing left.

Lew hasn't cried yet.  I didn't allow him to mourn when he needed to.  I hope some day he allows himself to mourn.