... to love their husbands ....

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
(Titus 2:4-5)
  
Really?  

When Paul wrote this letter to Titus I'm sure he was specifically addressing the little old ladies of the church when he wrote the above verses.  Those ladies didn't have any hang ups when it came to talking about marriage, submission, or sex.  

They were instructed to teach the younger women how to love their husbands and children, to be keepers of their homes, and to obey (yes, O-B-E-Y) their husbands.

My eyes were opened a while ago when Lew (husband) let me know that I was falling short in some areas.  That's when I went openly and honestly to my Titus 2 lady - a woman who isn't ashamed to talk to me in plain language about any thing (and I mean anything).

But as I keep considering the verses in Titus 2, I keep coming back to this thought:

To whom will I give such advice?

The answer came to me recently in a most frightening and eye-opening way.

Lew (husband) had been getting all lovey-dovey for a few days, and had tried several times to get me to go upstairs with him (*wink, wink*).  I kept putting him off, saying that I couldn't spend time with him because there was just too much work to do.  I had to finish the washing the dishes and vacuuming the carpets.  Then there was still laundry to be folded and emails to check.  

One of the girls said to him, "Yeah, Dad.  Get in line.  There's more important stuff than you, ya know!"

... oh, dear ...

That is how I have taught the younger women (my own girls) to love their husbands.

I've shown them (quite well, in fact) that husbands ...
  

• are a low priority (lower on the the list than almost everything else). 
• shouldn't expect their wives to do anything for them. 
• should be okay with waiting a long, long time for sex. 
• are just children who must be controlled by their wives. 
• must do all the work around the house that their wives don't feel like doing. 
• should lead their families the way their wives see fit. 
• must never do anything their wives disagree with.  
• must put up with tantrums whenever their wives are unhappy.

These are the things this Titus 2 woman has taught the younger women (my own daughters) about how to love their husbands. Just by watching their mother, my girls have picked up on my attitude toward Lew, and my rebellion against God.  And because their mother lives her life this way they believe it is the right thing to do.

... oh, dear ...

I have a lot of work to do and a lot of forgiveness to ask for.

 
  
 

A Good Wife?

Am I a good wife?  That's a great question.  It's one I've been asking myself lately. 

Do I build up my house, or do I tear it down?

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. (Proverbs 14:1)

I'm not always a wise woman. I'm disagreeable.  I complain and argue.  I pluck my house down one complaint at a time.

I should love my husband and submit to him (build up my house), but often I find myself selfishly clinging to what I want instead of giving my all to my husband (pluck down my house).   

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

Lew tries very hard to lead me as he feels led by the Lord. He has been given a vision for our marriage, our intimacy, our oneness.  Sometimes I submit and sometimes I rebel.

Why? Because I want what I want.  I do not want what he is asking of me.  This happens more often than I want to admit.  I give him not what he is asking of me, but only as much as I want to give. Did I mention that I am a selfish woman?

• I'm selfish about my house.  I want it a certain way.  I place it above people sometimes.
• I'm selfish about my time.  When I'm reading I refuse to be interrupted, even if the children are on fire.
• I'm selfish about my body.  I don't give my husband what he needs and desires in the bedroom.  I only give him what I want him to have.

My prayer is that God will continue to work in me to change my selfish heart and help me step outside my comfortable little world into the world of serving and giving to my husband.  I pray daily that He will help me understand that my husband has been given a vision for our marriage and that if I don't follow him we won't enjoy God's best for our marriage.

Take a moment, wives, and consider the vision your husband has been given for your family.  Would it be so bad to obey God by submitting to your husband's authority? Wouldn't it be better to work through your objections and get over them?  Wouldn't it be a good idea to be the wife your husband needs?

He Is Watching

Lew (husband) and I were in church last weekend, praising God with our whole hearts.  We prayed, sang, learned, fellowshipped, and communed. I really felt like I was paying attention to God's voice.  I wanted to do everything I could for Him in that moment. It was wonderful.  It got me thinking.....

How quick am I to obey when God asks me to do something for Him?  What about at home? Do I live my life in a way that glorifies God?  Do I always do my best to obey Him in everything?  EVERY thing??  Do I worship my Lord and Savior in my every day life as though He's watching?

Because He is watching.

When I sit at my computer all day while life goes on without me, God's watching.
When I criticize Lew (husband) in front of the girls, God's watching.
When I get that enormous, selfish case of the "I wants," God's watching.
When I am impatient, God's watching.
When I'm at the supermarket deciding between corn flakes and fruit loops, God's watching.
When I flirt with my husband, God's watching.
When I put off giving my husband that "thing" he wants in bed, God's watching.
When I lay awake at night, filled with guilt over my behavior, God's watching.

He's watching me all the time.  He knows how well I've behaved.  He's there, guiding me, prodding me, asking me to do things and watching as I disobey.

At the store, He's there watching me make unhealthy choices that destroy my body and my budget.

At home, He's there watching as I ignore my children and husband because I'm lost in my book.

In the bedroom, He's there as I put a stop to anything that will help Lew (husband) and I become more intimate.

He's there.  Always there. 

He's with you, too.  He's watching everything you do.  He sees every decision you make.  You cannot hide from Him.

So, let me ask you this ...... Is He happy with you? I'm sure He isn't always happy with me.

He Doesn't Deserve Me.

I'm not what he expected.
I'm not what he bargained for.
I'm certainly not what he wanted.

I know beyond a doubt that Lew (husband) loves me with all his heart.  I because I've experienced his love in the ways he takes care of me and the girls.  I know because I feel the warmth when he holds me.  Not a physical warmth, but a much deeper, "knowing" kind of warmth.

I also know that he never bargained for a wife who would abandon him for things like books, television, women's clubs, the children, my housework, or anything else that's on my personal agenda.

I know that he expected me to follow through on my promises.  I promised to put him before a bunch of other stuff, and to make sure I did all those wifely things he needs me to do - cooking, ironing, shopping.

I know that he has been bitterly disappointed in me because I have led him on, telling him I was willing to grow sexually and learn how to please him when I never had any intention to do so. (... and I think he knows that now, so he stopped asking for any kind of sex whatsoever - what a relief). 

I broke my promises.  I never intended to be the wife he wanted. Not if it meant I would have to do things for him.  After all, I'm the woman in this relationship, and the man is supposed to worship and serve the woman.  Right?  He doesn't serve me, does he?

He works hard so I can have a nicer house than most of my friends.  So what?
He provides food and clothing for me and the kids.  So what?
He keeps the cars gassed-up and repaired.  So what?
He cooks and cleans whenever I'm too tired, or too ticked off to do it.  So what?
He takes up the slack for the tasks I'm supposed to do.  So what?
He protects me when people talk down to me.  So what?
He gives me sex whenever I want it.  So what?

Furthermore, he asks too much of me.

He wants me to spend time with him.
He expects me to do go to bed when he does so we be intimate.
He wants me to open up to new things in bed so we can grow our marriage.
He wants me to read marriage books with him.

That's asking for too much.  

When I married him I did not expect him to treat me the way he does.  He definitely isn't the husband I expected ... or deserve.

Besides, I'm sure when he married me he didn't expect me to treat him like I do.  I may be the woman he desired, but I'm not the wife he wants ... or deserves.

Who Do You Serve?

The question is ... who do I serve? 

I often say it is a privilege to serve and respect my husband, even reverence him, as the Bible commands (Ephesians 5:33).  But who do I serve ... really?

Myself. 

Here's what I mean ...

Every time I give Lew (husband) a hard time about something because it isn't the way I want it, I'm serving myself.  Not my husband, not my Savior, myself.

Every time I give my husband something I want him to have instead of something he actually wants or needs, I'm serving myself.  Not him.

Every time I refuse him sexually of the kind of intimacy he desires but instead give him the sex I want him to have, I'm serving myself.  Not him.

It's disobedience, ladies.  Plain and simple.  God expects us to reverence our husbands and obey and respect them. 

When we refuse to consider that they need something that we don't want to give them, but instead give them something else - something that's acceptable to us, we are disobeying God's commands. 

When sex is always my way, with only 20 seconds of his way added in a couple times a year to "make him happy," it destroys any chance for the marriage to achieve oneness. No wonder men look at other women, view pornography, and have affairs.  If they can't be fulfilled in their own marriages by their own wives, they will fall to Satan's temptations.

Here's what I, personally, will do:

I will pay attention to my husband's needs.  Deep down I know many of the things he wants and needs, but I don't allow him to have them because they are inconvenient, make me uncomfortable, or otherwise don't meet my criteria.  I need to stop that.  I need to recognize that when I obey and serve (and yes, reverence) my husband, I am obeying the Lord.  Likewise, when I disobey my husband I also disobey the Lord.  When I run his desires through my agenda and say, "um .... no.  I don't think so,"  I am saying "no" to God.  It's the same thing.  When I disrespect my hubby, I disrespect my Savior.  When my kids see me disrespecting him, they learn to do likewise.

You might say, "But what if my husband won't tell me what he wants?"

That question is a cop-out.  There are many things we know beyond all doubt that our husband desire from us, but they no longer will express it out of frustration or exhaustion from the quest.  You know I'm right.  Our job is to repent of our personal agendas and serve and reverence our husbands the way they need us. 

Our husbands will be happy and fulfilled and our God will bless our marriages.

About A Six

"About a six, I guess."

WHAT??? A SIX??!!??

That's the answer Lew (husband) gave me when I asked him to rate our love life on a scale of 1 to 10.

He gave us a six.

Needless to say, I was devastated.  Not only wasn't it a ten, but it was about  a six, which means it probably wasn't even quite as good as a six.

When I pressed him for more details, he was very reluctant to share because, well, we all know how I get.  But he did share some reasons for his rating, none of which should have surprised me, and all of which gave me much to think about.

What did he share? 

• Sex is predictable and always on my terms, never on his.  A while ago I promised to improve in this area, but I never did.  He has desires that I don't understand, and while I paid him lip-service and promised to take his needs more seriously by learning how to do some "things," I never did learn.  Instead, I ignored the subject, hoping it would go away.  True.

• Spontaneity has gone out the window by way of housework and children.  He agrees that the children must be a priority, but I had made them a priority above and beyond our marriage.  True.

So, what would he have ranked me back then?  Probably around a nine (although I didn't ask him, I remember those days too, and it truly did seem far better).

What happened, and why didn't he ever say anything?

He did, actually, say something.  A lot of somethings.  Over and over again.  Over the past ten years or so we have had this conversation in one form or another.

When I was a "9," I paid close attention to him.  I couldn't wait to see him return from work.  I was bursting with joy to see him. I was more than eager to rip off his clothes and do whatever he asked.  I felt free to be naked and unashamed with him. He seemed absolutely head over heels in love with me, and would do anything I asked as well.

In the time that followed, things became quite different.  I was tired, cranky, and I felt unattractive, even though he did his very best to assure me otherwise.  I didn't want to be adventurous in bed.  There were only a few items on my sexual menu, and only those things were authorized for use in our bed.  I just wanted what I wanted when I wanted it, and I said "no" to everything else. He wanted to be free in my presence, but somehow he became inhibited in expressing himself because he was often humiliated by my reaction.  As a result he has suppressed his interest in sex. 

Who could blame him?

After all, how long would I have continued to ask for sex before giving up?  But it wasn't just asking for sex.  It was my disregard for his needs that was the tipping point. 

Lew gave up.  While he used to pursue me passionately and diligently, he became passive.  He waited until I came to him for affection. It turns out he found it much easier (less humiliating?) to just wait until I wanted sex.  Then he would give me only what I wanted, without asking for anything more. 

What did I want?

I wanted release.  Orgasm.  Plain and simple.  I didn't really want him.  I just wanted it.   I adopted a "this far and NO farther" policy in bed.  If I truly wanted him, he explained, I would want every square inch of him with all five senses, like he wanted me. And he truly did want me that way, if only I had allowed it.  

He finally resigned himself to living with "about a six."

What did I do?  How did I fix it?

I confessed to him and asked his forgiveness.  Then I asked him to help me learn how to be more open sexually. 

I vowed to do something just for him at least once a week. And not just a half-hearted attempt, just to say I did it.  I mean really  do it.  Learn how to make him satisfied. 

I started researching blogs and online article on marital intimacy and started applying what I learned in my own marriage.

Am I a "9" again?  Probably not.  But I am getting there, and Lew and I are growing in intimacy every day.

Wives, I encourage you to find out what your husband wants and learn to give him some of what he wants.  Trust me.  Your home will be a better place as a result.

Reverence, Part 2

Okay, so I got a little flack for my recent post about reverence our husbands.  Many of you have emailed me with serious questions about my elevating my husband to be equal with God. 

That is not at all what I was going for.  Let me explain.

Suppose someone showed up at your door.  Suppose it was someone you have always held in high regard.  What if it was your grandfather?  Your teenage idol?  A Christian musical artist you always admired?  What if Jesus Himself showed up at your door? 

Would you let Him in?  How would you treat Him?  Would you give Him the finest chair in the house?  Would you try to make Him feel comfortable?  Would you honor all of His requests? Is there anything He might ask that would be off limits?  Anything you wouldn’t do for Him?  What if He asked for the last piece of cake?  What if He wanted you to fix His flat tire in a downpour?  Or to give some money to that hateful old woman next door?  What if He asked for something you’ve never done before … something uncomfortable?  Would you look at Him with reverence or repulsion?  Enthrallment or disgust?  Would you question his reasons for asking? 

All I’m saying, ladies, is that our husbands symbolize Christ; they are God’s holy representatives, placed in charge of our marriages and our families.   We are commanded to treat them accordingly. 

No, I am not suggesting that we bow down and worship our husbands, but that we treat them with reverence (holy fear and awe) and that we treat them like royalty (because they are); eagerly and enthusiastically please them, body and soul, no matter what. 

If we do not reverence our husbands, we will surely answer for it in Heavenly judgement… in a BIG way. 

That’s all I’m saying.  I hope this clears it up.      

Reverence Him? Really??

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)

A few months ago my husband and I attended my cousin’s wedding.  The entire affair consisted of the usual wedding hoopla, the ceremony, the reception, the cake, the “Chicken Dance,” you get the picture. 

Anyway, we were sitting with a few of my favorite old aunts at the reception, when one of them said (about the bride), “she’s a lucky one.  She really found a good guy.  He worships the ground she walks on.”  

I couldn’t help thinking that my dear old auntie had the wrong idea of how it’s supposed to work. 

I want to talk about reverence today.  There are many places in scripture where God instructs wives to respect their husbands.  I have been to many women’s conferences where the speakers were hammering home the idea of respect and submission, to swuch an extreme that I sometimes find myself rolling my eyes and saying, “Alright!   Stop!  I get it already!!” 

However, none of these speakers have, in my recollection, spoken about reverence.  It’s as though we don’t even realize the word is there.  I mean it’s hidden there among the other words, so we tend to gloss over it quickly.  Besides, it isn’t really that important compared to the big “S” (Submission – Ooooooh  I said it again!), right?  No one talks about it so it must not be a vital component for wives. Also, in today’s society it just doesn’t work.   I just isn’t meant for us today … it has to be a mistake.   Right?

Wrong.

Well, then, what does it really mean?

Ummm … it means what it says.  No mistake.

Ladies, we are supposed to reverence our husbands.

Reverence. verb.

1. worship;
2. regard with feelings of respect and reverence; consider hallowed or exalted or be in awe of;
3. hold sacred;
4. regard highly; think much of;
5. show devotion to (a deity);

Holy Moley!!  Wait … WHAT????!!!!??!?!

I know, I know.  It hit me like a ton of bricks, too.

I’m supposed to REVERENCE him??!?

Yes, ladies, we are supposed to reverence our husbands.  This goes far beyond respect.  This is a matter of being in awe of who he is.  Marveling at his body, his mind, his essence. It means having a worshipful (yes, you read that correctly) attitude toward him.  It means being eager to do whatever will make him happy.  It means having that “I can’t wait to get near him and do whatever he asks me to do. 

I know what some of you are thinking … “She’s gone crazy.”  “She’s taking this to extremes.”  “She obviously doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

You might also be saying, “But, you don’t know what I go through every day.”  “But, that just isn’t realistic in today’s world.”  “But, my husband is a horrible person who doesn’t deserve respect or reverence or anything else!”

But … But …

But you know what?  Back when I didn’t think much of the submission / reverence idea, my marriage was very un-spectacular.  It was okay, but it wasn’t great.  My husband treated me like most husbands treat their wives; with respect and fear. 

After I started to become accustomed to surrendering myself to the Word of God, and began to submit to my husband, and yes, began to reverence him, something amazing happened.  God turned my marriage around. 

Now my husband loves me like I never thought possible.  He can’t wait to come home to me at the end of the day. He leads our family like a man.  I no longer stand in his way. 

Instead, I honor him; I respect him; I can’t wait to get at him and cling to him, to wrap myself around him and communicate with him; to listen to him; to touch him everywhere, to kiss him everywhere, to breathe in in everything that he is and give him everything I have to give, mind, body, and soul.  Yes, to act worshipful toward him (reverence him).  I can’t wait to be as close to him as possible, to show him how eager I am to know him and how much I am in awe of him and how much I yearn to please him. 

I’m not talking about being a doormat for abuse or being a mindless trollop who does nothing but offer herself to a man hoping he will accept her.  I’m talking about a wife’s responsibility according to God’s Biblical commands.  I’m talking about fulfilling our roles as godly wives.  I’m talking about regarding as holy the man God chose to be your husband.     

The word is reverence.   It’s in the Bible.  It is no mistake.  And ladies, by reverencing our husbands, we are reverencing the Lord God Himself.  Keep that in mind today when your husband comes home.  I know I will.  

  

"Every Thing," Specifically

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. – Ephesians 5:24

I always get stuck here.  Not on the verse as a whole, but on the last two words, “every thing.”  This means big and little things.  It means pleasant things and unpleasant things.  It means beautiful things and ugly things. 

When I signed on as a wife, I promised before God and 100+ witnesses to do these things as Lew’s wife.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that God has instructed me to be subject to my husband in every thing.  Admittedly, I don’t always want to do every thing for my husband.  I only wish to do the things I’m comfortable doing.  You know, the pleasant things … the nice things.

I will gladly cook for him, clean the house, do the laundry, etc.  But when it comes to things that I feel uneasy about?  Well, that’s another story.  After all, I’m his wife, not his servant. 

Wait a minute.

When Jesus saw that His disciples’ feet were dirty, he washed them (a very lowly, demeaning job in those days).  When the people were hungry, He cooked fish and fed them.  When His Father told Him to die on the cross for my sins, He humbled Himself and did it.

Why, then, would I withhold things from my husband that he has asked me to do?  After all, Jesus was subject to His Father, no questions asked.  The church is subject to Jesus (well, at least it’s supposed to be).  I am subject to my husband in the same manner. 

When Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, He knew it was the lowest job He could do.  But He did it.  He gladly served.  When God the Father told Him He would be put to death, He did it. 

When Lew asked me to do some specific things, I rebelled against him.  I did not want to submit to his authority concerning those particular things.  Those “things,” to me, were not part of the “every thing” mentioned in the Bible.  Oh, sure I would do it once in a while for, say, 15 seconds, just to pacify him, and to make myself feel like I was being a submissive wife (“Well I checked THAT off my list.  I hope he’s happy now”).  I was relieved, he felt guilty, everyone was happy.  Right?   Boy did I have a lot to learn. 

I went on like this until I noticed a change. 

Lew stopped asking for “it.”  In fact, he stopped asking for sex completely.  I was the one who initiated sex.  Of course he would always indulge me, but he never, ever asked for anything.  Never initiated.  I was in charge of when, where, how, and IF we had sex. 

Then a woman at church gave me Debi Pearl’s book “Created To Be His Helpmeet.”  I read it and was convicted.  I was a rebellious wife.  I had not submitted to my husband in every thing, and now my dear husband was wounded.  So wounded that he stopped trying for the very thing that makes him feel like a man.    

What did I do?

First, I went to Lew, and asked him to forgive me. I confessed that I rebelled against God and against him.  He confided that he felt guilty and ashamed to ask for specific things he was longing for, because he was afraid (no, actually he KNEW) what my reaction would be. 

Let me be clear, ladies.  Our husbands should never, EVER feel guilty or ashamed about expressing their desires to us.  They should NEVER fear rejection from their own wives.  They should feel secure in the knowledge that we love them and reverence them, and that we take joy in giving them pleasure. 

Then I decided to go ahead a do those specific things he had asked for but I didn’t feel like doing. 

You know what?

It was hard.  It was embarrassing.  It was awkward.  But he was amazing.  He was appreciative.  He was very supportive.  He guided me through it and I learned, and I grew.  And we grew closer and more intimate than ever before.   

Now that I have made up my mind to dive in with abandon and take care of my husband’s specific needs, I enjoy giving my husband pleasure and serving him in whatever way he desires.  He would never ask me to do anything unbiblical or immoral.  He won’t bring pornography or a third person into our marriage bed, so why wouldn’t I be thrilled to enjoy every inch of the man God meant me to be with?  

I will gladly serve my husband in every thing. 

So ladies, what has your husband asked you to do?  Is it pleasant or unpleasant?  Are you willing to be subject to God and your husband?  You’ll be surprised how enjoyable it is when you finally abandon yourself to His will.

  

Wife or House-wife?

I'm a housewife.  What a mistake!!!

Now, before you get mad at me for knocking housewives, hear me out. 

When Lew and I got married, I made a vow to be faithful to him until death parts us.  Well, I've broken that vow time after time. 

You see, as much as I love my husband (and I do love him desperately), there is another love in my life.

It's my house. 

Yes, I often put my house far above my family, far above my husband, and sometimes far above the time I spend talking with my Heavenly Father. 

Sometimes I won't even consider doing anything with my husband until the house is in order.  It's like my life revolves around making my house happy instead of making my husband happy. I have become a house-wife instead of my husband's wife.

I need to start making Lew happy.  I have to spend (1) a lot more time with God, (2) spend a lot more time being a wife, and (3) spend a lot less time trying to make my house perfect.

Being married to my house won't win anyone to Jesus.  But being married to my husband just might set a good example for another struggling wife.  And that is HUGE. 

For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. (1 Corinthians 11:8-9)

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4)

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (Ephesians 5:24)

__________________________________________________________

You might also like to read some of these posts from my archive:

Willing To Learn - Are you willing to learn new things to benefit your marriage? 

Ephesians 5:22 - My (very) brief opinion of this wonderful verse.  

Why I Submit - Let go and submit.  You'll be glad you did!

Willing To Learn

Our Bible study group is delving into Proverbs.  This week we were talking about our willingness to learn and what happens when we are not open to learning.

 He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof erreth. (Proverbs 10:17)

This verse hit me right between the eyes.  Truth is I am not open to learning, especially when the topic is uncomfortable.  Come to think of it, I don't like to learn anything at all if it wasn't my idea to begin with.

In our marriage, my wonderful husband Lew has tried to lead me in the direction he feels God is guiding us as a couple and guiding our family.  He tries to lead us and move my stubborn feet, but the fact is that I am not willing to learn.

Please understand that Lew doesn't rule our house like a dictator.  Rather, he is the best example of a servant-leader I have ever seen.  He prays for us and for direction, then he does his best to move us in that direction.  The problem is that I don't always follow his lead, and I don't always open myself up to learn what is necessary to move forward with him.

Granted, he doesn't have all the answers at his disposal.  That's when I should get busy learning.  If I intend to be a submissive wife, then I need to do whatever is necessary to learn a new thing when my husband has made a decision to expand our horizons as a family (or a couple).

Sadly, I do not always conform to his wishes.  Sometimes I think "If I don't make any move toward learning this new skill, then he'll stop prodding and I will be off the hook."

Think again.

When I close myself off from learning something new that will benefit my marriage and my family (and therefore glorify my Heavenly Father), then I am sinning and I must ask Lew's forgiveness.  Then I must go and learn all about it.

Here's to my new found willingness to learn!

Intimacy - A Man's Way

Sometimes I forget the huge differences between Lew and me.  Especially where sex is concerned. 

Sometimes I forget that he needs it more often than I do, and in vastly different ways than I do.  I'm very comfortable with doing it the same way every time, with maybe an occasional twist in direction, but nothing out of the ordinary. 

I should know by now that he has little favorite things that have nothing to do with modern, feminist - driven sex, but rather a Song of Solomon view of sex.  Sex for him is an all-encompassing encounter that sometimes involves all five senses, sometimes only one.  As it should be, as it is written in the Word of God.

I used to have a hard time with that, because I couldn't understand the need for any other kind of sex besides intercourse.  But apparently it isn't always about intercourse.  Husbands need to be affirmed sexually in different ways.  They need to be felt, smelled, tasted, heard, seen.

My own husband needs sex in a completely different way than I do.  To give him sex my way is to deprive him of something he needs - a desire God placed inside Him - a desire that I am supposed to meet for him.  Once I got that through my thick skull and learned what to do, we developed a much more intimate relationship.

Just remember - It really isn't  always about intercourse - it's about connection.  It's about being willing to do the most intimate things possible to bless and bring pleasure to your own husband.  That's what you agreed to when you said you would marry him.

About That Titus 2 Woman ...

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
⁴ That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
⁵ To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5)

Alrighteee then, let's tackle this woman one piece at a time, shall we?

The aged women 
Old ladies. These are the ones who have been married, who have been around the block.  They know about stuff.  They know how to cook, bake, clean, wash and iron clothes, give sexual pleasure (surely not - ummmm, surely SO), 

likewise,
Whenever the word "likewise" appears in the Bible, you have to go back and see what came before it, so you have a comparison to "liken" it to.  In this case, the previous verse is  ....That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. (v.4)  In other words, the old ladies should be the same way the old me are.

that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness,
They should behave in a holy manner, devoted to the service of God. 

not false accusers,
They must not be involved in gossip.


not given to much wine,
They shouldn't be drunkards. That is not to say that they should never touch the stuff, but that they should not drink in excess.  Don't forget Jesus drank wine, and we are supposed to emulate Him, so ....

teachers of good things;
This shouldn't need any comment, but I suppose I should expound on it just a bit.  The older women should teach nice things, not evil things.  They should always model the best way to do something, and never be an example of what not to do.

That they may teach the young women to be sober,
They should teach the young women about moderation.  I believe this means more than just the consumption of alcohol. In today's world it must also be extended to drug abuse.  The older women must instruct the youngsters about the evils of substance abuse.

to love their husbands,
 This is where I get into trouble every time.  These older ladies are not stupid, or naive, or innocent by any stretch of the imagination.  They know about loving a husband.  They know about giving pleasure to a man.  Aaaannnd ... They are instructed, in this verse, to teach the young women how to love their husbands.
I don't believe this to include the nuts and bolts of household stuff like cooking and cleaning, as those things are covered in the next verse.  Therefore, this must refer to things of a sexual nature.  After all, a young wife will have questions that will need to be answered in a clear, no-nonsense way, without the shame that is so often attached to such questions.  Here, the instruction is clearly given to teach these things to young women.

to love their children,
Every new mother needs help with the children.  Frustrations arise with discipline, diet, and a whole host of other issues.  God is clearly indicating that the older women must help the young women with their children.

To be discreet,
To avoid causing embarrassment to yourself of others.

chaste,
Don't sleep around. Duh.

keepers at home,
Young wives need to learn homemaking skills like cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing, etc.  God's design calls for women to keep the home and men to earn the cash.  That's the plan.  We should get back to that plan, don't you think?

obedient to their own husbands,
The critical word here is "obedient." God does not mince words here.  O-B-E-D-I-E-N-T to their own husbands. In my mind, this means the old ladies are supposed to be teaching the young ladies to OBEY their own husbands.  Not someone else's idea of a husband.  Each wife has a unique husband with unique ways, unique needs, unique desires.  Each young wife should be instructed in how to obey her own unique husband, so that when he asks her to do something, no matter what it is, she is competent and able to do it to his satisfaction.  


This may sound a bit archaic, but it is, in fact, the Word of God.  And God doesn't put things in writing unless He expects us to obey Him.

that the word of God be not blasphemed.  
If the older women teach the younger women these things, and the younger women pay attention, they will be showing respect for the Word of God.  Otherwise, they are disrespecting their Creator.  It may sound harsh, but like I said, He didn't put it in writing to have us ignore it.

That's what I'm studying right now.  It's a lot to take in, but I'm sure I'll be a better wife for my own husband, and he (and God) will be pleased.