Who Do You Serve?

The question is ... who do I serve? 

I often say it is a privilege to serve and respect my husband, even reverence him, as the Bible commands (Ephesians 5:33).  But who do I serve ... really?

Myself. 

Here's what I mean ...

Every time I give Lew (husband) a hard time about something because it isn't the way I want it, I'm serving myself.  Not my husband, not my Savior, myself.

Every time I give my husband something I want him to have instead of something he actually wants or needs, I'm serving myself.  Not him.

Every time I refuse him sexually of the kind of intimacy he desires but instead give him the sex I want him to have, I'm serving myself.  Not him.

It's disobedience, ladies.  Plain and simple.  God expects us to reverence our husbands and obey and respect them. 

When we refuse to consider that they need something that we don't want to give them, but instead give them something else - something that's acceptable to us, we are disobeying God's commands. 

When sex is always my way, with only 20 seconds of his way added in a couple times a year to "make him happy," it destroys any chance for the marriage to achieve oneness. No wonder men look at other women, view pornography, and have affairs.  If they can't be fulfilled in their own marriages by their own wives, they will fall to Satan's temptations.

Here's what I, personally, will do:

I will pay attention to my husband's needs.  Deep down I know many of the things he wants and needs, but I don't allow him to have them because they are inconvenient, make me uncomfortable, or otherwise don't meet my criteria.  I need to stop that.  I need to recognize that when I obey and serve (and yes, reverence) my husband, I am obeying the Lord.  Likewise, when I disobey my husband I also disobey the Lord.  When I run his desires through my agenda and say, "um .... no.  I don't think so,"  I am saying "no" to God.  It's the same thing.  When I disrespect my hubby, I disrespect my Savior.  When my kids see me disrespecting him, they learn to do likewise.

You might say, "But what if my husband won't tell me what he wants?"

That question is a cop-out.  There are many things we know beyond all doubt that our husband desire from us, but they no longer will express it out of frustration or exhaustion from the quest.  You know I'm right.  Our job is to repent of our personal agendas and serve and reverence our husbands the way they need us. 

Our husbands will be happy and fulfilled and our God will bless our marriages.

Reverence, Part 2

Okay, so I got a little flack for my recent post about reverence our husbands.  Many of you have emailed me with serious questions about my elevating my husband to be equal with God. 

That is not at all what I was going for.  Let me explain.

Suppose someone showed up at your door.  Suppose it was someone you have always held in high regard.  What if it was your grandfather?  Your teenage idol?  A Christian musical artist you always admired?  What if Jesus Himself showed up at your door? 

Would you let Him in?  How would you treat Him?  Would you give Him the finest chair in the house?  Would you try to make Him feel comfortable?  Would you honor all of His requests? Is there anything He might ask that would be off limits?  Anything you wouldn’t do for Him?  What if He asked for the last piece of cake?  What if He wanted you to fix His flat tire in a downpour?  Or to give some money to that hateful old woman next door?  What if He asked for something you’ve never done before … something uncomfortable?  Would you look at Him with reverence or repulsion?  Enthrallment or disgust?  Would you question his reasons for asking? 

All I’m saying, ladies, is that our husbands symbolize Christ; they are God’s holy representatives, placed in charge of our marriages and our families.   We are commanded to treat them accordingly. 

No, I am not suggesting that we bow down and worship our husbands, but that we treat them with reverence (holy fear and awe) and that we treat them like royalty (because they are); eagerly and enthusiastically please them, body and soul, no matter what. 

If we do not reverence our husbands, we will surely answer for it in Heavenly judgement… in a BIG way. 

That’s all I’m saying.  I hope this clears it up.      

Reverence Him? Really??

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)

A few months ago my husband and I attended my cousin’s wedding.  The entire affair consisted of the usual wedding hoopla, the ceremony, the reception, the cake, the “Chicken Dance,” you get the picture. 

Anyway, we were sitting with a few of my favorite old aunts at the reception, when one of them said (about the bride), “she’s a lucky one.  She really found a good guy.  He worships the ground she walks on.”  

I couldn’t help thinking that my dear old auntie had the wrong idea of how it’s supposed to work. 

I want to talk about reverence today.  There are many places in scripture where God instructs wives to respect their husbands.  I have been to many women’s conferences where the speakers were hammering home the idea of respect and submission, to swuch an extreme that I sometimes find myself rolling my eyes and saying, “Alright!   Stop!  I get it already!!” 

However, none of these speakers have, in my recollection, spoken about reverence.  It’s as though we don’t even realize the word is there.  I mean it’s hidden there among the other words, so we tend to gloss over it quickly.  Besides, it isn’t really that important compared to the big “S” (Submission – Ooooooh  I said it again!), right?  No one talks about it so it must not be a vital component for wives. Also, in today’s society it just doesn’t work.   I just isn’t meant for us today … it has to be a mistake.   Right?

Wrong.

Well, then, what does it really mean?

Ummm … it means what it says.  No mistake.

Ladies, we are supposed to reverence our husbands.

Reverence. verb.

1. worship;
2. regard with feelings of respect and reverence; consider hallowed or exalted or be in awe of;
3. hold sacred;
4. regard highly; think much of;
5. show devotion to (a deity);

Holy Moley!!  Wait … WHAT????!!!!??!?!

I know, I know.  It hit me like a ton of bricks, too.

I’m supposed to REVERENCE him??!?

Yes, ladies, we are supposed to reverence our husbands.  This goes far beyond respect.  This is a matter of being in awe of who he is.  Marveling at his body, his mind, his essence. It means having a worshipful (yes, you read that correctly) attitude toward him.  It means being eager to do whatever will make him happy.  It means having that “I can’t wait to get near him and do whatever he asks me to do. 

I know what some of you are thinking … “She’s gone crazy.”  “She’s taking this to extremes.”  “She obviously doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

You might also be saying, “But, you don’t know what I go through every day.”  “But, that just isn’t realistic in today’s world.”  “But, my husband is a horrible person who doesn’t deserve respect or reverence or anything else!”

But … But …

But you know what?  Back when I didn’t think much of the submission / reverence idea, my marriage was very un-spectacular.  It was okay, but it wasn’t great.  My husband treated me like most husbands treat their wives; with respect and fear. 

After I started to become accustomed to surrendering myself to the Word of God, and began to submit to my husband, and yes, began to reverence him, something amazing happened.  God turned my marriage around. 

Now my husband loves me like I never thought possible.  He can’t wait to come home to me at the end of the day. He leads our family like a man.  I no longer stand in his way. 

Instead, I honor him; I respect him; I can’t wait to get at him and cling to him, to wrap myself around him and communicate with him; to listen to him; to touch him everywhere, to kiss him everywhere, to breathe in in everything that he is and give him everything I have to give, mind, body, and soul.  Yes, to act worshipful toward him (reverence him).  I can’t wait to be as close to him as possible, to show him how eager I am to know him and how much I am in awe of him and how much I yearn to please him. 

I’m not talking about being a doormat for abuse or being a mindless trollop who does nothing but offer herself to a man hoping he will accept her.  I’m talking about a wife’s responsibility according to God’s Biblical commands.  I’m talking about fulfilling our roles as godly wives.  I’m talking about regarding as holy the man God chose to be your husband.     

The word is reverence.   It’s in the Bible.  It is no mistake.  And ladies, by reverencing our husbands, we are reverencing the Lord God Himself.  Keep that in mind today when your husband comes home.  I know I will.