Reverence, Part 2

Okay, so I got a little flack for my recent post about reverence our husbands.  Many of you have emailed me with serious questions about my elevating my husband to be equal with God. 

That is not at all what I was going for.  Let me explain.

Suppose someone showed up at your door.  Suppose it was someone you have always held in high regard.  What if it was your grandfather?  Your teenage idol?  A Christian musical artist you always admired?  What if Jesus Himself showed up at your door? 

Would you let Him in?  How would you treat Him?  Would you give Him the finest chair in the house?  Would you try to make Him feel comfortable?  Would you honor all of His requests? Is there anything He might ask that would be off limits?  Anything you wouldn’t do for Him?  What if He asked for the last piece of cake?  What if He wanted you to fix His flat tire in a downpour?  Or to give some money to that hateful old woman next door?  What if He asked for something you’ve never done before … something uncomfortable?  Would you look at Him with reverence or repulsion?  Enthrallment or disgust?  Would you question his reasons for asking? 

All I’m saying, ladies, is that our husbands symbolize Christ; they are God’s holy representatives, placed in charge of our marriages and our families.   We are commanded to treat them accordingly. 

No, I am not suggesting that we bow down and worship our husbands, but that we treat them with reverence (holy fear and awe) and that we treat them like royalty (because they are); eagerly and enthusiastically please them, body and soul, no matter what. 

If we do not reverence our husbands, we will surely answer for it in Heavenly judgement… in a BIG way. 

That’s all I’m saying.  I hope this clears it up.      

"Every Thing," Specifically

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. – Ephesians 5:24

I always get stuck here.  Not on the verse as a whole, but on the last two words, “every thing.”  This means big and little things.  It means pleasant things and unpleasant things.  It means beautiful things and ugly things. 

When I signed on as a wife, I promised before God and 100+ witnesses to do these things as Lew’s wife.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that God has instructed me to be subject to my husband in every thing.  Admittedly, I don’t always want to do every thing for my husband.  I only wish to do the things I’m comfortable doing.  You know, the pleasant things … the nice things.

I will gladly cook for him, clean the house, do the laundry, etc.  But when it comes to things that I feel uneasy about?  Well, that’s another story.  After all, I’m his wife, not his servant. 

Wait a minute.

When Jesus saw that His disciples’ feet were dirty, he washed them (a very lowly, demeaning job in those days).  When the people were hungry, He cooked fish and fed them.  When His Father told Him to die on the cross for my sins, He humbled Himself and did it.

Why, then, would I withhold things from my husband that he has asked me to do?  After all, Jesus was subject to His Father, no questions asked.  The church is subject to Jesus (well, at least it’s supposed to be).  I am subject to my husband in the same manner. 

When Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, He knew it was the lowest job He could do.  But He did it.  He gladly served.  When God the Father told Him He would be put to death, He did it. 

When Lew asked me to do some specific things, I rebelled against him.  I did not want to submit to his authority concerning those particular things.  Those “things,” to me, were not part of the “every thing” mentioned in the Bible.  Oh, sure I would do it once in a while for, say, 15 seconds, just to pacify him, and to make myself feel like I was being a submissive wife (“Well I checked THAT off my list.  I hope he’s happy now”).  I was relieved, he felt guilty, everyone was happy.  Right?   Boy did I have a lot to learn. 

I went on like this until I noticed a change. 

Lew stopped asking for “it.”  In fact, he stopped asking for sex completely.  I was the one who initiated sex.  Of course he would always indulge me, but he never, ever asked for anything.  Never initiated.  I was in charge of when, where, how, and IF we had sex. 

Then a woman at church gave me Debi Pearl’s book “Created To Be His Helpmeet.”  I read it and was convicted.  I was a rebellious wife.  I had not submitted to my husband in every thing, and now my dear husband was wounded.  So wounded that he stopped trying for the very thing that makes him feel like a man.    

What did I do?

First, I went to Lew, and asked him to forgive me. I confessed that I rebelled against God and against him.  He confided that he felt guilty and ashamed to ask for specific things he was longing for, because he was afraid (no, actually he KNEW) what my reaction would be. 

Let me be clear, ladies.  Our husbands should never, EVER feel guilty or ashamed about expressing their desires to us.  They should NEVER fear rejection from their own wives.  They should feel secure in the knowledge that we love them and reverence them, and that we take joy in giving them pleasure. 

Then I decided to go ahead a do those specific things he had asked for but I didn’t feel like doing. 

You know what?

It was hard.  It was embarrassing.  It was awkward.  But he was amazing.  He was appreciative.  He was very supportive.  He guided me through it and I learned, and I grew.  And we grew closer and more intimate than ever before.   

Now that I have made up my mind to dive in with abandon and take care of my husband’s specific needs, I enjoy giving my husband pleasure and serving him in whatever way he desires.  He would never ask me to do anything unbiblical or immoral.  He won’t bring pornography or a third person into our marriage bed, so why wouldn’t I be thrilled to enjoy every inch of the man God meant me to be with?  

I will gladly serve my husband in every thing. 

So ladies, what has your husband asked you to do?  Is it pleasant or unpleasant?  Are you willing to be subject to God and your husband?  You’ll be surprised how enjoyable it is when you finally abandon yourself to His will.

  

Willing To Learn

Our Bible study group is delving into Proverbs.  This week we were talking about our willingness to learn and what happens when we are not open to learning.

 He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof erreth. (Proverbs 10:17)

This verse hit me right between the eyes.  Truth is I am not open to learning, especially when the topic is uncomfortable.  Come to think of it, I don't like to learn anything at all if it wasn't my idea to begin with.

In our marriage, my wonderful husband Lew has tried to lead me in the direction he feels God is guiding us as a couple and guiding our family.  He tries to lead us and move my stubborn feet, but the fact is that I am not willing to learn.

Please understand that Lew doesn't rule our house like a dictator.  Rather, he is the best example of a servant-leader I have ever seen.  He prays for us and for direction, then he does his best to move us in that direction.  The problem is that I don't always follow his lead, and I don't always open myself up to learn what is necessary to move forward with him.

Granted, he doesn't have all the answers at his disposal.  That's when I should get busy learning.  If I intend to be a submissive wife, then I need to do whatever is necessary to learn a new thing when my husband has made a decision to expand our horizons as a family (or a couple).

Sadly, I do not always conform to his wishes.  Sometimes I think "If I don't make any move toward learning this new skill, then he'll stop prodding and I will be off the hook."

Think again.

When I close myself off from learning something new that will benefit my marriage and my family (and therefore glorify my Heavenly Father), then I am sinning and I must ask Lew's forgiveness.  Then I must go and learn all about it.

Here's to my new found willingness to learn!

God Knew It All Along

I was thinking about Adam and Eve and the fruit, and I came up with a few thoughts.

• God knew they ate the fruit before He ever confronted them.  He is omnipresent = everywhere, omniscient = all knowing, and omnipotent = all powerful.  Clearly, He knew the whole scene was going down as it was happening.  Why didn't He stop them?
• God called out to Adam first.  Why not Eve?  Could it be that Adam was the responsible party?  Was he, perhaps, placed in authority over Eve? Hmmm ...
• God punishes Adam not only for eating the fruit, but also for allowing himself to be persuaded to do so by his wife.  (another hmmm...)  Could it be that God's plan is for the wife to submit to her husband, and NOT for the husband to submit to his wife?  

Anyway, those are my thoughts right now.  I'm glad I chose to submit totally to God and my husband.  

Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

Submission is probably one of the most controversial subjects in the Bible, especially in today's culture of "feminism," where women are encouraged to be equal to men in every way.

When I look at this verse it gives me great peace to know that God has laid out for me a plan that lifts the cares of the world from my shoulders and stills my spirit.

When I studied this verse, just like any other verse, I broke it into parts.

Wives
Well, obviously Paul is addressing wives.  NOT girlfriends, NOT daughters.  He is specifically addressing wives, the people who have made a covenant with their husbands before God.

submit yourselves
The word "submit" means to place oneself under the authority of another.  So wives are instructed to place themselves under the authority

unto your own husbands,
Many women misunderstand this phrase to mean that women must submit to men.  WRONG.  This only refers to one (1) wife and one (1) husband.  Wives are being instructed here to submit to their own husbands.

Each husband is unique in his specific needs and wants, and every wife must place herself under the authority (submission to) her own husband.  She must not concern herself with what most other husband want, nor should she concern herself with what other wives do or don't do.  She must concern herself with her own husband and her submission to him.

as unto the Lord.
"As" means in the same manner.  Simply put, wives must submit to their own husbands in the same way that they submit to the Lord.   In other words, if I live my life under the authority of the Lord, then I must be under my own husband's authority, in the same way.

This caused me to take a very good look at my life and marriage, and the way I conduct myself.  Good grief, I have been so wrong for so long.  If the Lord God called me to do something, would I not obey Him?  Then for goodness sake, why wouldn't I obey my own husband, who, being placed in authority over me by God, has asked me to do something?

And, by the way, I know a bunch of people who will disagree with me.  Spare me your opinions, please.  This is between me, my own husband, and our God.  I will face the judgement seat of God and he alone will determine the extent of my obedience (or disobedience).  I sure want Him to be happy with how I obeyed His instructions.