Chess

Two Facts:

Fact 1:
I'm obsessed with organization.  Everything has to be neatly packed away so that nothing is out in the open that doesn't belong out in the open.  

Fact 2:
My husband loves chess.  He has a hand carved chess set that was given to him by a good friend a number of years ago. 

After we moved into our new (ish) house, he didn't bother with the chess set for a long, long time.  When I asked him about it, he showed me exactly what the problem was.  He opened the closet door, removed twelve (yes TWELVE) boxes, stacking them neatly on the floor.  Then he shifted another stack of boxes to the left, removed a small fire safe and finally retrieved the chess game.  Then he replaced all the items he had to remove to actually reach his game.

In my zeal to organize the house to my liking, I completely ignored his needs in that regard.  He needs his chess game to be accessible, and not to be stored in such a way that it takes such heroic effort just to get to it.

Do you allow your husband to keep his things handy?  Are his hobbies hidden away, out of view?  Can he easily reach the things he enjoys?

I can tell you that we have now found a place for his chess set so he can play whenever he wants to.  He and my oldest daughter are in the middle of a game right now.  I'm glad he was willing to show me in such a kind way what the problem was.

I love him with all my heart. 

The Penguin

My husband Lew had a penguin.  It wasn't a real penguin, it was a little, plastic toy that he kept on the mantle of his house.  I never really asked him about it because I just figured it was a little whimsical thing he chose as a decoration, to add a bit of fun to an otherwise blah (in my humble opinion) atmosphere.

Fast forward 3 years.

After our honeymoon we moved from our separate places into "our house."  We unpacked box after box and put our things away.  when I unpacked the box that contained the penguin, I hid the little bugger in the back of a kitchen drawer, then trashed it when he wasn't looking.

Lew was out of sorts because he couldn't find the penguin.  Actually, distraught was more accurate.  I couldn't understand what the problem was.

"That stupid little penguin?  I thought it was just a plastic toy.  I got rid of it.  Why?"

He actually cried.

You see, the penguin was a McDonald's Happy Meal toy that was given to him by his sister.  Her son (Lew's nephew) asked her, as he lay dying in a children's cancer unit, to give Lew the penguin.  He kept it on his mantle ever since.

I had no idea.  I felt like wretching. There was no way to replace that penguin.  I searched and purchased one on ebay, but it wasn't the same one.  Of course, Lew forgave me, and the replacement penguin is on display in our dining room, but every time I look at it I am reminded of my cold, unfeeling heart toward the man I love.

Why didn't I ask him about the penguin?  I don't know.

I urge all you wives out there to not belittle or discount the silly little things your husband has sitting around.  I implore you to find out why he hangs onto that matchbox car, or that little piece of colored ribbon, or that cheap plastic lawn ornament.  That stupid, ugly, broken thing might have deep significance to your husband.

Monday Pick Me Up

I like to make a nice dessert and pack it in Lew's lunch on Monday morning.  He and his coworkers work long, hard hours on Monday and, well, a nice dessert in his lunch couldn't hurt, right? 

Solomon Must Be Kidding, Right?

In my post Intimacy - A Man's Way I talked about my husband Lew and the fact that he strives for a "Song of Solomon" sort of physical intimacy with me, rather than what the world deems normal in the sexual realm. 

I must admit that I was skeptical at first.  After all, my first husband never pushed for such deeply intimate things. He never asked me to be so open and vulnerable that I would lose myself in the way he felt, sounded, smelled, looked, tasted?

Wait a minute.  Yes he did.  I was the one who wouldn't give in and let myself go.  What was I thinking?  I spent my entire first marriage in deliberate disobedience to God and to my husband.  It's probably because I never saw sex as something holy, something designed by God as a gift to married people.

But as I began studying the beautiful poetry of Solomon in his Song of Songs, I realized more and more that God meant for me to make passionate, intimate love to my husband, and to let him make passionate, intimate love to me. 


As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. (Song of Solomon 2:3)

This is one of the ways that my Lord has outlined as perfect, sexual love between a husband and wife.  It says that I should sit in his shadow and taste his fruit.  Almost every Bible scholar I can think of, plus my own pastor, his wife, AND my Titus 2 mentor (whom I trust with my life) have agreed that Solomon is talking about an oral-genital caress. (I'm not going into detail here - I think we all know what that is.) 

As I studied and asked more and more questions, it became clear to me that I needed to submit to my husband's wishes and obey the Lord as he outlined His perfect plan for married sexual love.  I was convicted to give Lew the wife who would love him they way God intended.  I decided to be a Song of Solomon lover for him and get absolutely lost in sexual intimacy with my husband.

I asked him to help me learn and to guide me, which was difficult and embarrassing for both of us at first. To lay myself out and accept that kind of specific sexual instruction from Lew was, well, awkward at first.  I had many moments of inadequacy.  But Lew was wonderfully supportive as he guided me through the process.

Now we are totally lost in our passion for each other.  There is no hesitation.  I want to experience every inch of him with all five of my senses.

His fruit is sweet to my taste.  

Willing To Learn

Our Bible study group is delving into Proverbs.  This week we were talking about our willingness to learn and what happens when we are not open to learning.

 He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof erreth. (Proverbs 10:17)

This verse hit me right between the eyes.  Truth is I am not open to learning, especially when the topic is uncomfortable.  Come to think of it, I don't like to learn anything at all if it wasn't my idea to begin with.

In our marriage, my wonderful husband Lew has tried to lead me in the direction he feels God is guiding us as a couple and guiding our family.  He tries to lead us and move my stubborn feet, but the fact is that I am not willing to learn.

Please understand that Lew doesn't rule our house like a dictator.  Rather, he is the best example of a servant-leader I have ever seen.  He prays for us and for direction, then he does his best to move us in that direction.  The problem is that I don't always follow his lead, and I don't always open myself up to learn what is necessary to move forward with him.

Granted, he doesn't have all the answers at his disposal.  That's when I should get busy learning.  If I intend to be a submissive wife, then I need to do whatever is necessary to learn a new thing when my husband has made a decision to expand our horizons as a family (or a couple).

Sadly, I do not always conform to his wishes.  Sometimes I think "If I don't make any move toward learning this new skill, then he'll stop prodding and I will be off the hook."

Think again.

When I close myself off from learning something new that will benefit my marriage and my family (and therefore glorify my Heavenly Father), then I am sinning and I must ask Lew's forgiveness.  Then I must go and learn all about it.

Here's to my new found willingness to learn!

Intimacy - A Man's Way

Sometimes I forget the huge differences between Lew and me.  Especially where sex is concerned. 

Sometimes I forget that he needs it more often than I do, and in vastly different ways than I do.  I'm very comfortable with doing it the same way every time, with maybe an occasional twist in direction, but nothing out of the ordinary. 

I should know by now that he has little favorite things that have nothing to do with modern, feminist - driven sex, but rather a Song of Solomon view of sex.  Sex for him is an all-encompassing encounter that sometimes involves all five senses, sometimes only one.  As it should be, as it is written in the Word of God.

I used to have a hard time with that, because I couldn't understand the need for any other kind of sex besides intercourse.  But apparently it isn't always about intercourse.  Husbands need to be affirmed sexually in different ways.  They need to be felt, smelled, tasted, heard, seen.

My own husband needs sex in a completely different way than I do.  To give him sex my way is to deprive him of something he needs - a desire God placed inside Him - a desire that I am supposed to meet for him.  Once I got that through my thick skull and learned what to do, we developed a much more intimate relationship.

Just remember - It really isn't  always about intercourse - it's about connection.  It's about being willing to do the most intimate things possible to bless and bring pleasure to your own husband.  That's what you agreed to when you said you would marry him.

About That Titus 2 Woman ...

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
⁴ That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
⁵ To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5)

Alrighteee then, let's tackle this woman one piece at a time, shall we?

The aged women 
Old ladies. These are the ones who have been married, who have been around the block.  They know about stuff.  They know how to cook, bake, clean, wash and iron clothes, give sexual pleasure (surely not - ummmm, surely SO), 

likewise,
Whenever the word "likewise" appears in the Bible, you have to go back and see what came before it, so you have a comparison to "liken" it to.  In this case, the previous verse is  ....That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. (v.4)  In other words, the old ladies should be the same way the old me are.

that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness,
They should behave in a holy manner, devoted to the service of God. 

not false accusers,
They must not be involved in gossip.


not given to much wine,
They shouldn't be drunkards. That is not to say that they should never touch the stuff, but that they should not drink in excess.  Don't forget Jesus drank wine, and we are supposed to emulate Him, so ....

teachers of good things;
This shouldn't need any comment, but I suppose I should expound on it just a bit.  The older women should teach nice things, not evil things.  They should always model the best way to do something, and never be an example of what not to do.

That they may teach the young women to be sober,
They should teach the young women about moderation.  I believe this means more than just the consumption of alcohol. In today's world it must also be extended to drug abuse.  The older women must instruct the youngsters about the evils of substance abuse.

to love their husbands,
 This is where I get into trouble every time.  These older ladies are not stupid, or naive, or innocent by any stretch of the imagination.  They know about loving a husband.  They know about giving pleasure to a man.  Aaaannnd ... They are instructed, in this verse, to teach the young women how to love their husbands.
I don't believe this to include the nuts and bolts of household stuff like cooking and cleaning, as those things are covered in the next verse.  Therefore, this must refer to things of a sexual nature.  After all, a young wife will have questions that will need to be answered in a clear, no-nonsense way, without the shame that is so often attached to such questions.  Here, the instruction is clearly given to teach these things to young women.

to love their children,
Every new mother needs help with the children.  Frustrations arise with discipline, diet, and a whole host of other issues.  God is clearly indicating that the older women must help the young women with their children.

To be discreet,
To avoid causing embarrassment to yourself of others.

chaste,
Don't sleep around. Duh.

keepers at home,
Young wives need to learn homemaking skills like cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing, etc.  God's design calls for women to keep the home and men to earn the cash.  That's the plan.  We should get back to that plan, don't you think?

obedient to their own husbands,
The critical word here is "obedient." God does not mince words here.  O-B-E-D-I-E-N-T to their own husbands. In my mind, this means the old ladies are supposed to be teaching the young ladies to OBEY their own husbands.  Not someone else's idea of a husband.  Each wife has a unique husband with unique ways, unique needs, unique desires.  Each young wife should be instructed in how to obey her own unique husband, so that when he asks her to do something, no matter what it is, she is competent and able to do it to his satisfaction.  


This may sound a bit archaic, but it is, in fact, the Word of God.  And God doesn't put things in writing unless He expects us to obey Him.

that the word of God be not blasphemed.  
If the older women teach the younger women these things, and the younger women pay attention, they will be showing respect for the Word of God.  Otherwise, they are disrespecting their Creator.  It may sound harsh, but like I said, He didn't put it in writing to have us ignore it.

That's what I'm studying right now.  It's a lot to take in, but I'm sure I'll be a better wife for my own husband, and he (and God) will be pleased.