Like I Promised

Recently my husband and I attended a marriage workshop that was part of the re|engage marriage curriculum.  I attended reluctantly as I don't enjoy myself when the Holy Spirit convicts me as I listen to speakers and work through the questions.

There was a point during the workshop when the question came up, "Do you love your spouse the way you promised you would?"

I felt a sudden wave come over me like I was either going to faint or cry.  Or maybe a little of both.

My short answer was "no."

Now here's my long answer.

I have made promises along the way that I intended to keep.  I also made promises I had no intention of keeping.  Basically, I have not loved my husband the way I promised to.  I have given him false hope that some day I would get around to doing this or learning that when in fact I have never had any intention of doing any of it.

Why do I operate under false pretenses like this?  I know he longs for me to be the wife I promised him I'd be, to learn how to please him and love him, and to do the things I said I would do, but when it comes down to action I chicken out because I prefer to take the easy way out.  I don't like to put myself out or make myself feel uncomfortable in any way.  It doesn't matter that the person I made promises to is my own husband, the man who is supposed to trust me more than anyone else.  If I don't feel like doing it, you might as well forget about it.  It isn't going to happen.  Ever.

Well, that's about to change.  Lew (husband) is going to find himself married to a different woman and he isn't going to know what hit him.  First I'll have to attend to a few essential details so he doesn't suspect that I've replaced myself with a clone.
1. I'm going to confess and ask forgiveness, from God and from Lew.
2. I'm going to ask him (again) what he wants from me as his wife - what will make him happy.
3. I'm going to do those things.
4. I'm going to learn (and practice) those things I don't know how to do.

I'm going to love him the way I promised I would.

 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:11-12)

We Are Family?

Are we a family? 

I know that by legal definition we are a family, but are Lew (husband) and I a "family?"  Do I treat him the way I would treat my brother, sister, mother, father?

Recently my father was diagnosed with an irregular heart beat and high blood pressure.  My first response was to call him and ask if he was okay, then offer to come and stay so he could rest.

My sister recently slipped and fell in her driveway, twisting her ankle.  She used crutches for two weeks.  I went to her house every day to help her clean.
 My brother had an accident with his car.  I know he doesn't have much money, so I offered to drive him to work until he was able to get other transportation.

When my mother came down with the flu I made a week's worth of meals, drove to their house (one and a half hours away) and delivered them.


By contrast, when my husband had surgery last month I looked at him with disgust as he sat around the house.  I made him clean the closets and organize the basement.  After all, it was the least he could do since he wasn't doing anything else to help around here. Nevermind that a team of doctors said that he shouldn't lift anything for a few weeks. 

See my point?  I haven't treated my husband like family in his own house.  It's almost as if he's "less than" family and doesn't deserve to be treated as well as them. 

What about you?  Do you give your husband the same love you give your other family?  Do you protect him and provide cover for his weaknesses?  Or do you think about his infirmities with disgust and contempt?  When he is sick, sore and tired, do you let him rest? 

When we marry, we take on a new identity.  We become one flesh with another person.  If our husbands aren't accepted by us as family members, then we will always treat them as bothersome intruders, placed in our lives to disrupt our agendas. 

Let's start to treat our husbands like family.  Sometimes we're the only family they have.

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart. (Proverbs, 11:29)

The Five Senses of Being His Wife: Taste

This is part 5 of 5 in my series The Five Senses of Being His Wife.

What does the sweat on his cheek taste like?  Or his tears after he hears some devastating news?  How do his kisses taste when he first hops into bed?  Have you given him this part of you?  Why are you holding back? 

Intimacy - true intimacy - must be just that.  Intimate.  Lew (husband) is not the kind who will go around demanding that I taste his feet.  Ahhh, but when I decide to kiss my way down his leg and pay attention to his feet, tasting each toe, nibbling his ankles, he becomes a different man.  When I taste his neck, his belly, his thighs, his penis ... I get from him a more intimate husband.  He wants to open up to me more and more.  He is more grateful, more loving. 

I believe God designed him that way.  I believe we as wives are meant to love our husbands with everything we've got.  All five of our senses. 

The Five Senses of Being His Wife: Smell

 If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? (1 Corinthians 12:17)


What is your husband's scent?  I don't mean cologne or aftershave, but what is his natural scent?  Are you familiar with it? 

When animals choose a mate in the wild, they do so partly by scent.  One reason for this is so that if anything should happen to any of their other senses they will be able to identify safety in the scent of their mate. 

What does your husband's ear smell like?  What about his hands?  His neck?  His stomach?  Feet?  Penis?  Do you ever take a deep breath and soak in the aroma of his hair?  It's unique to him and only him.  He should know your scent as well.

On another note (and to get away from bodily aroma for a moment), is there a scent that hubby enjoys?  Are there ways you can be a better wife  by using these scents?  Does he like the scent of fresh baked pie?  Does he go wild for a certain perfume?  What areas of your body does he tend to smell?  Does he ever breathe deeply and take in all the aromas of you?

I believe God created us to love our husbands with our full beings, and that includes our noses.  We are naturally sensitive to certain aromas and are attracted to our husbands partly because of the way they smell. 

Make sure you know the scent of your man.  Breathe it in.  Appreciate it.  When he's gone, you'll wish you could hold on to it (and him) forever.

The Five Senses of Being His Wife: Sight

God has gifted us with five senses with which we go about our daily walk.  If we are walking with a spouse, these five senses are even more important.  We need to use these gifts in our marriages on a daily basis, loving and knowing our spouses in every way possible.

This subject is too important to limit to one post.  It warrants an expanded view of each sense as it relates to the holy union of marriage.

Sight:  

How do you look at your husband?  Do you gaze through a filter that sees all his mistakes and flaws?  All the ugliness that disappoints you and causes you to look at him with disgust?  Or do you through the lens of our Heavenly Father, as a human being who has been fearfully and wonderfully made, in the image of God Himself?

The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness. (Luke 11:34)

The sense of sight is so important in the marriage relationship and not just on the surface. I need to see my husband with a clear eye, not a dirty one.  I must see him as God sees him.  God sees every square inch of him.  He knows the birthmarks on the folds in my husband's skin.  He knows exactly where the red bump is on his inner thigh.  He knows the itchy spot on his head (and his other itchy spots).  I must know why he laughs and why he cries.  I must know why he wakes up in the wee hours of the morning and can't go back to sleep. 

Do I know these things?  Am I aware of the details of my husband, inside and out, or would I rather not get into the nitty gritty of actually "knowing" physically, intellectually, sexually and spiritually, the man whom God Himself chose for me.   Do I take the time to look at him - really look at him - every square inch?  Do I know how big that mole was last week?  Do I really know what all of his many parts look like?  Have I taken the time to see him? Am I too ashamed to look?  Am I afraid to really examine him? Why?

On the flip side, do I allow myself to be open to my husband's eyes?  Do I allow him to see me outside and inside?  Is he able to look at my most deeply personal wrinkles and crevices, or do I put a halt to his efforts?   

Wives, today I urge you to pray that God will open your eyes to your husband's physical being.  Pray that you will begin exploring him with your eyes and really get to know his body.

He's So Good To Me

We are taking a short trip, and there are a million things that have to be done.  Packing, organizing, cooking-ahead, dog-sitter, etc.

One of the things I never have to worry about it preparing our car for the trip.  Lew always takes care of those things. He makes sure the oil is changed, the AC is working, the tires are filled, the gas tank is full, and the bag of change is ready for tolls.

He's my guy and I love him!  (Maybe I'll show him just how much I love him later today)

Walking and Talking

Lew and I went for a nice walk after dinner tonight.  We held hands and strolled leisurely down the path at a park near our house (well, okay, 3 miles from our house).  It was wonderful to just be near the man I love, holding hands, chatting about stuff. <insert long sigh here>

Do you take time out of your busy life to walk at leisure with your man?

Chess

Two Facts:

Fact 1:
I'm obsessed with organization.  Everything has to be neatly packed away so that nothing is out in the open that doesn't belong out in the open.  

Fact 2:
My husband loves chess.  He has a hand carved chess set that was given to him by a good friend a number of years ago. 

After we moved into our new (ish) house, he didn't bother with the chess set for a long, long time.  When I asked him about it, he showed me exactly what the problem was.  He opened the closet door, removed twelve (yes TWELVE) boxes, stacking them neatly on the floor.  Then he shifted another stack of boxes to the left, removed a small fire safe and finally retrieved the chess game.  Then he replaced all the items he had to remove to actually reach his game.

In my zeal to organize the house to my liking, I completely ignored his needs in that regard.  He needs his chess game to be accessible, and not to be stored in such a way that it takes such heroic effort just to get to it.

Do you allow your husband to keep his things handy?  Are his hobbies hidden away, out of view?  Can he easily reach the things he enjoys?

I can tell you that we have now found a place for his chess set so he can play whenever he wants to.  He and my oldest daughter are in the middle of a game right now.  I'm glad he was willing to show me in such a kind way what the problem was.

I love him with all my heart.