Grow Up already!!

If God called you to do something new, something different, would you do it for Him?  Many of you immediately answered "yes."  That's a good answer, but are you sure you would do it?  If you're like me you'll say "yes, some day I'll do that for you."  Then you'll never get around to doing it.

I fought that battle with my first husband.  He was a good man.  I struggle with things he was asking me to do.  I would say "yes, I will do that, but first I want to do (A), (B), and (C).  Then I'll do that for you.  He died having never had the gift of me giving my full self to him.  I have many regrets about that.

Now I'm married to another wonderful man who loves me and my girls and to whom I also promise things ... someday.  I'm finding myself falling back into the comfortable routine again.  A routine that centers around me and what I want rather than a routine of serving my husband, and therefore serving God.

God has commanded wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord.  This means when my husband asks for something, whether it be another scoop of potatoes, help with taking out the garbage, or something he craves from you in the bedroom (as long as it is not illegal), I am to submit to his request as if God Himself asked me to do it.  If I wouldn't say "no" to God, then I shouldn't say "no" to Lew (husband).

I'm not saying this thinking comes naturally, nor is it easy.  Quite the contrary.  Transforming a lifetime of selfishness into an attitude of submission is hard.  It's uncomfortable.  It will cause stress.  But it is what God expects of wives. 

We are to be our husbands' help-meets.  How can I possibly expect my husband to resist temptation when I am making certain that he is unsatisfied with me?  Someday I'll be ready and willing to do that for you.  or When you've done this and that I'll do that other thing.  Would I ever dare to talk to God that way? 

I would like to say I wouldn't but the truth is that whenever I lead my husband on, telling him that someday I'll do the things he asks when I know in my heart I have no intention of doing them,  I have in fact been deceitful to him as to the Lord.   
 
When Lew stopped initiating sexual intimacy with me, I didn't know what the problem was.  I found out the problem was me.  It wasn't that we never made love, it's just that it was always the same.  We had built a routine, and as many ways as Lew (husband) asked for something else, I had just as many ways of putting him off until he stopped asking altogether. He said "I figure it's pointless to keep asking.  I'm never going to get it anyway."

Just like God will leave a sinner wallowing in his/her sin, so my husband left me wallowing in my decision to stay comfortable and not give him something that he so desperately desired.  We have started to work through it, but I have to tell you it isn't easy.  I'm stretching my comfort zones and he is still very reluctant to make any requests.

I know some of you have done this to your husbands too.  You've put off doing that certain something for him and now he won't ask for it anymore.  It doesn't mean he isn't desperate for it.  It just means he has resigned himself to the fact that you aren't going to be his helper.  He will find other ways to fill the void that would otherwise have been filled by you.  Maybe he will start a new hobby.  Maybe he'll discover video games or pornography.  Maybe he'll seek gratification elsewhere.

If this sounds like you, then I pray that you see the destruction this is causing to your husband and to your marriage, and that God will help you take the first step, second step, third step, and so on to get over yourself and grow up already.  Your husband needs a help-meet in all areas of his life.  You are it.

I'm finally starting to grow up and act like my husband wife.  Won't you do the same?

Help-Meet or Hinderance

I wonder sometimes if I am truly a help meet to my husband, Lew.  I know there are areas where he is frustrated and he needs me to help him.  I was given to him, not the other way around. Therefore it is my job to help him in any way I can.

Many times I don't help him.  Instead, I put off, avoid, and argue.  I do many things, but I do not help.

What is my problem??

Why don't I help my husband?  Why do I hinder him in so many ways?

The fact is if I help him ...

• he will be happier.
• he will be less likely to look outside the marriage for "certain" kinds of help.
• I will be obeying the Lord.

I have to get my act together and do my job.  I am the help meet.

When He Wants More

Okay, it's gonna be another sex post.

What do you do when your husband wants more in bed than you want to give him?

A: Let him live without it.  He's a grown man and he needs to suck it up and live with disappointment for the rest of his life. This is a dangerous way of thinking.  Husbands have needs and us wives were given to them as a helper, for this very reason (among others).

B: Tell him it's okay for him to find what he needs somewhere else.Even more dangerous.  To bring a third party into the one-flesh union is not godly, is not biblical.  DON'T DO IT.  Besides, he wants you to "do him," not someone else.

C: Learn to reverence your husband and stop withholding something he needs. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Cor 7:5)  Whatever it is, start doing it.  If you don't know how, ask him to help you or read a book, but for goodness sake stop denying your husband something he is desiring. 


That's my rant for today.

 

Chess

Two Facts:

Fact 1:
I'm obsessed with organization.  Everything has to be neatly packed away so that nothing is out in the open that doesn't belong out in the open.  

Fact 2:
My husband loves chess.  He has a hand carved chess set that was given to him by a good friend a number of years ago. 

After we moved into our new (ish) house, he didn't bother with the chess set for a long, long time.  When I asked him about it, he showed me exactly what the problem was.  He opened the closet door, removed twelve (yes TWELVE) boxes, stacking them neatly on the floor.  Then he shifted another stack of boxes to the left, removed a small fire safe and finally retrieved the chess game.  Then he replaced all the items he had to remove to actually reach his game.

In my zeal to organize the house to my liking, I completely ignored his needs in that regard.  He needs his chess game to be accessible, and not to be stored in such a way that it takes such heroic effort just to get to it.

Do you allow your husband to keep his things handy?  Are his hobbies hidden away, out of view?  Can he easily reach the things he enjoys?

I can tell you that we have now found a place for his chess set so he can play whenever he wants to.  He and my oldest daughter are in the middle of a game right now.  I'm glad he was willing to show me in such a kind way what the problem was.

I love him with all my heart. 

The Nether Regions

I'm not going to write many posts about my dear, first husband who passed away quite suddenly in his sleep.  However, this topic is relevant to my blog, so I'm going into this topic today. 

My first husband was a dear, dear man who truly loved me as Christ loved the church.  He was selfless and generous to a fault. He went to such extremes as to not ever make me feel uncomfortable in any way, including a time when he underwent surgery to remove a small mass from his upper thigh. 

The post-surgery care included the changing of bandages and cleaning of the wound.  He wouldn't let me do any of that, preferring to clean his own wound and reapply a fresh bandage. 

He and I argued about it, but he made it clear that he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable to have to go "down there" and clean him.

"Why do you think that would make me feel uncomfortable?"

His reply: "You don't like to get up close and personal with that part of me."

Ouch.  He was right.  I never thought about it.  I was downright repulsed by the prospect of any up close examination of my own husband's private parts.  Now when he needed me to be comfortable (VERY COMFORTABLE) looking, cleaning, examining, and being extremely familiar with every inch of him, he didn't feel that I would want to be bothered.

Plus, I'm sure it would be humiliating to him if he had even a passing inkling that I was thinking to myself, "Ewwww!"

I did this to him by my attitude and my actions.  There were certain parts of him that I simply would not explore, especially putting my face down there.

Then when he needed me to do a practical thing that a wife should do, he didn't trust that I would be willing to follow through, so he did it all by himself.

Talk about being a help-meet.  Sheesh!