Sometimes I forget the huge differences between Lew and me. Especially where sex is concerned.
Sometimes I forget that he needs it more often than I do, and in vastly different ways than I do. I'm very comfortable with doing it the same way every time, with maybe an occasional twist in direction, but nothing out of the ordinary.
I should know by now that he has little favorite things that have nothing to do with modern, feminist - driven sex, but rather a Song of Solomon view of sex. Sex for him is an all-encompassing encounter that sometimes involves all five senses, sometimes only one. As it should be, as it is written in the Word of God.
I used to have a hard time with that, because I couldn't understand the need for any other kind of sex besides intercourse. But apparently it isn't always about intercourse. Husbands need to be affirmed sexually in different ways. They need to be felt, smelled, tasted, heard, seen.
My own husband needs sex in a completely different way than I do. To give him sex my way is to deprive him of something he needs - a desire God placed inside Him - a desire that I am supposed to meet for him. Once I got that through my thick skull and learned what to do, we developed a much more intimate relationship.
Just remember - It really isn't always about intercourse - it's about connection. It's about being willing to do the most intimate things possible to bless and bring pleasure to your own husband. That's what you agreed to when you said you would marry him.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
About That Titus 2 Woman ...
The aged women
likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false
accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5)
Alrighteee then, let's tackle this woman one piece at a time, shall we?
The aged women
Old ladies. These are the ones who have been married, who have been around the block. They know about stuff. They know how to cook, bake, clean, wash and iron clothes, give sexual pleasure (surely not - ummmm, surely SO),
likewise,
Whenever the word "likewise" appears in the Bible, you have to go back and see what came before it, so you have a comparison to "liken" it to. In this case, the previous verse is ....That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. (v.4) In other words, the old ladies should be the same way the old me are.
that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness,
They should behave in a holy manner, devoted to the service of God.
not false accusers,
They must not be involved in gossip.
not given to much wine,
They shouldn't be drunkards. That is not to say that they should never touch the stuff, but that they should not drink in excess. Don't forget Jesus drank wine, and we are supposed to emulate Him, so ....
teachers of good things;
This shouldn't need any comment, but I suppose I should expound on it just a bit. The older women should teach nice things, not evil things. They should always model the best way to do something, and never be an example of what not to do.
That they may teach the young women to be sober,
They should teach the young women about moderation. I believe this means more than just the consumption of alcohol. In today's world it must also be extended to drug abuse. The older women must instruct the youngsters about the evils of substance abuse.
to love their husbands,
This is where I get into trouble every time. These older ladies are not stupid, or naive, or innocent by any stretch of the imagination. They know about loving a husband. They know about giving pleasure to a man. Aaaannnd ... They are instructed, in this verse, to teach the young women how to love their husbands.
I don't believe this to include the nuts and bolts of household stuff like cooking and cleaning, as those things are covered in the next verse. Therefore, this must refer to things of a sexual nature. After all, a young wife will have questions that will need to be answered in a clear, no-nonsense way, without the shame that is so often attached to such questions. Here, the instruction is clearly given to teach these things to young women.
to love their children,
Every new mother needs help with the children. Frustrations arise with discipline, diet, and a whole host of other issues. God is clearly indicating that the older women must help the young women with their children.
To be discreet,
To avoid causing embarrassment to yourself of others.
chaste,
Don't sleep around. Duh.
keepers at home,
Young wives need to learn homemaking skills like cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing, etc. God's design calls for women to keep the home and men to earn the cash. That's the plan. We should get back to that plan, don't you think?
obedient to their own husbands,
The critical word here is "obedient." God does not mince words here. O-B-E-D-I-E-N-T to their own husbands. In my mind, this means the old ladies are supposed to be teaching the young ladies to OBEY their own husbands. Not someone else's idea of a husband. Each wife has a unique husband with unique ways, unique needs, unique desires. Each young wife should be instructed in how to obey her own unique husband, so that when he asks her to do something, no matter what it is, she is competent and able to do it to his satisfaction.
This may sound a bit archaic, but it is, in fact, the Word of God. And God doesn't put things in writing unless He expects us to obey Him.
that the word of God be not blasphemed.
If the older women teach the younger women these things, and the younger women pay attention, they will be showing respect for the Word of God. Otherwise, they are disrespecting their Creator. It may sound harsh, but like I said, He didn't put it in writing to have us ignore it.
That's what I'm studying right now. It's a lot to take in, but I'm sure I'll be a better wife for my own husband, and he (and God) will be pleased.
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5)
Alrighteee then, let's tackle this woman one piece at a time, shall we?
The aged women
Old ladies. These are the ones who have been married, who have been around the block. They know about stuff. They know how to cook, bake, clean, wash and iron clothes, give sexual pleasure (surely not - ummmm, surely SO),
likewise,
Whenever the word "likewise" appears in the Bible, you have to go back and see what came before it, so you have a comparison to "liken" it to. In this case, the previous verse is ....That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. (v.4) In other words, the old ladies should be the same way the old me are.
that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness,
They should behave in a holy manner, devoted to the service of God.
not false accusers,
They must not be involved in gossip.
not given to much wine,
They shouldn't be drunkards. That is not to say that they should never touch the stuff, but that they should not drink in excess. Don't forget Jesus drank wine, and we are supposed to emulate Him, so ....
teachers of good things;
This shouldn't need any comment, but I suppose I should expound on it just a bit. The older women should teach nice things, not evil things. They should always model the best way to do something, and never be an example of what not to do.
That they may teach the young women to be sober,
They should teach the young women about moderation. I believe this means more than just the consumption of alcohol. In today's world it must also be extended to drug abuse. The older women must instruct the youngsters about the evils of substance abuse.
to love their husbands,
This is where I get into trouble every time. These older ladies are not stupid, or naive, or innocent by any stretch of the imagination. They know about loving a husband. They know about giving pleasure to a man. Aaaannnd ... They are instructed, in this verse, to teach the young women how to love their husbands.
I don't believe this to include the nuts and bolts of household stuff like cooking and cleaning, as those things are covered in the next verse. Therefore, this must refer to things of a sexual nature. After all, a young wife will have questions that will need to be answered in a clear, no-nonsense way, without the shame that is so often attached to such questions. Here, the instruction is clearly given to teach these things to young women.
to love their children,
Every new mother needs help with the children. Frustrations arise with discipline, diet, and a whole host of other issues. God is clearly indicating that the older women must help the young women with their children.
To be discreet,
To avoid causing embarrassment to yourself of others.
chaste,
Don't sleep around. Duh.
keepers at home,
Young wives need to learn homemaking skills like cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing, etc. God's design calls for women to keep the home and men to earn the cash. That's the plan. We should get back to that plan, don't you think?
obedient to their own husbands,
The critical word here is "obedient." God does not mince words here. O-B-E-D-I-E-N-T to their own husbands. In my mind, this means the old ladies are supposed to be teaching the young ladies to OBEY their own husbands. Not someone else's idea of a husband. Each wife has a unique husband with unique ways, unique needs, unique desires. Each young wife should be instructed in how to obey her own unique husband, so that when he asks her to do something, no matter what it is, she is competent and able to do it to his satisfaction.
This may sound a bit archaic, but it is, in fact, the Word of God. And God doesn't put things in writing unless He expects us to obey Him.
that the word of God be not blasphemed.
If the older women teach the younger women these things, and the younger women pay attention, they will be showing respect for the Word of God. Otherwise, they are disrespecting their Creator. It may sound harsh, but like I said, He didn't put it in writing to have us ignore it.
That's what I'm studying right now. It's a lot to take in, but I'm sure I'll be a better wife for my own husband, and he (and God) will be pleased.
Friday, June 17, 2011
The Nether Regions
I'm not going to write many posts about my dear, first husband who passed away quite suddenly in his sleep. However, this topic is relevant to my blog, so I'm going into this topic today.
My first husband was a dear, dear man who truly loved me as Christ loved the church. He was selfless and generous to a fault. He went to such extremes as to not ever make me feel uncomfortable in any way, including a time when he underwent surgery to remove a small mass from his upper thigh.
The post-surgery care included the changing of bandages and cleaning of the wound. He wouldn't let me do any of that, preferring to clean his own wound and reapply a fresh bandage.
He and I argued about it, but he made it clear that he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable to have to go "down there" and clean him.
"Why do you think that would make me feel uncomfortable?"
His reply: "You don't like to get up close and personal with that part of me."
Ouch. He was right. I never thought about it. I was downright repulsed by the prospect of any up close examination of my own husband's private parts. Now when he needed me to be comfortable (VERY COMFORTABLE) looking, cleaning, examining, and being extremely familiar with every inch of him, he didn't feel that I would want to be bothered.
Plus, I'm sure it would be humiliating to him if he had even a passing inkling that I was thinking to myself, "Ewwww!"
I did this to him by my attitude and my actions. There were certain parts of him that I simply would not explore, especially putting my face down there.
Then when he needed me to do a practical thing that a wife should do, he didn't trust that I would be willing to follow through, so he did it all by himself.
Talk about being a help-meet. Sheesh!
My first husband was a dear, dear man who truly loved me as Christ loved the church. He was selfless and generous to a fault. He went to such extremes as to not ever make me feel uncomfortable in any way, including a time when he underwent surgery to remove a small mass from his upper thigh.
The post-surgery care included the changing of bandages and cleaning of the wound. He wouldn't let me do any of that, preferring to clean his own wound and reapply a fresh bandage.
He and I argued about it, but he made it clear that he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable to have to go "down there" and clean him.
"Why do you think that would make me feel uncomfortable?"
His reply: "You don't like to get up close and personal with that part of me."
Ouch. He was right. I never thought about it. I was downright repulsed by the prospect of any up close examination of my own husband's private parts. Now when he needed me to be comfortable (VERY COMFORTABLE) looking, cleaning, examining, and being extremely familiar with every inch of him, he didn't feel that I would want to be bothered.
Plus, I'm sure it would be humiliating to him if he had even a passing inkling that I was thinking to myself, "Ewwww!"
I did this to him by my attitude and my actions. There were certain parts of him that I simply would not explore, especially putting my face down there.
Then when he needed me to do a practical thing that a wife should do, he didn't trust that I would be willing to follow through, so he did it all by himself.
Talk about being a help-meet. Sheesh!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Seeking Titus 2 Woman
I am no Bible scholar, but it seems to me that much of what is written in God's word has stood the test of time for a reason. I believe that the instructions found in His Word are every bit as relevant today as they were when written.
Which brings me to Titus 2.
I know a lot of fine, upstanding church women who seem, at least on the surface, to be devout followers of Christ. They read their Bibles, the attend worship services and Bible studies, they help the needy, and do all the things one would expect of a fine, upstanding church woman.
Are they Titus 2 women?
Hmmmm ...
Would I be able to go to any of them with a question about my children? My husband? Sex?
Would they teach me how to love my husband and family?
I'm not so sure.
If I need advice (I mean real, hardcore advice) about such things as a private issue between Lew and me, I cannot imagine going to one of these ladies. I'm almost certain that they would look at me differently ... as lesser than themselves ... for bringing up a taboo topic.
What a shame. What I'm looking for is a woman who will sit with me and discuss the ins and outs of motherhood and wife-hood. A woman who has been around the block and isn't ashamed of herself for having no-nonsense answers to no-nonsense questions. A woman who blush and tell me that I shouldn't be asking her those kinds of questions. I need a woman who will let me say what I have to say, then teach me how to be the best wife I can be for my own husband, without the high and mighty attitude I see in so many fine, upstanding church women.
That's a Titus 2 woman. That's the woman I'm looking for.
Which brings me to Titus 2.
I know a lot of fine, upstanding church women who seem, at least on the surface, to be devout followers of Christ. They read their Bibles, the attend worship services and Bible studies, they help the needy, and do all the things one would expect of a fine, upstanding church woman.
Are they Titus 2 women?
Hmmmm ...
Would I be able to go to any of them with a question about my children? My husband? Sex?
Would they teach me how to love my husband and family?
I'm not so sure.
If I need advice (I mean real, hardcore advice) about such things as a private issue between Lew and me, I cannot imagine going to one of these ladies. I'm almost certain that they would look at me differently ... as lesser than themselves ... for bringing up a taboo topic.
What a shame. What I'm looking for is a woman who will sit with me and discuss the ins and outs of motherhood and wife-hood. A woman who has been around the block and isn't ashamed of herself for having no-nonsense answers to no-nonsense questions. A woman who blush and tell me that I shouldn't be asking her those kinds of questions. I need a woman who will let me say what I have to say, then teach me how to be the best wife I can be for my own husband, without the high and mighty attitude I see in so many fine, upstanding church women.
That's a Titus 2 woman. That's the woman I'm looking for.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Blew It Again.
I so want to apologize to my husband, but I fear that mere words will not suffice.
Last week we attended the funeral of my husband's loving mother. She was a wonderful wife and mother, and the most generous mother in law you'd ever hope to know. She died after a year long battle with kidney failure. She will surely be missed.
Now, on to the apology ...
When I received the call early in the morning, my husband was on his way to work. I immediately called him on his cell and he returned home to call his brother and to make the necessary arrangements to travel home to be with his family.
I had other plans.
You see, I'm a cleaner and an organizer. I began cleaning the house and organizing everything in sight, because I knew it would likely be more than a week before we returned, and I did not want to return to a dirty house. I showed zero concern for my husband's state of emotions at the loss of his dear mother. I wanted my house to be spotless before we got in that car.
I wasn't thinking like a help meet at the moment. If I were, I surely would have remembered the scripture,
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4
I'm quite sure Lew did not feel blessed nor comforted by my actions. In fact with the way I blew up at him for wanting to (*gasp*) pack our suitcases and go to his brother's house, I'm surprised, nay, THANKFUL that he decided to stay married to me.
What was I thinking? As a Christian, I am supposed to align my life to the One and Only Jesus Christ.
Jesus would have dropped what he was doing to comfort the man who lost his mother.
If I could go back, I would stop everything an hold the man in my arms and let him cry and cry and cry until he (and I) had nothing left.
Lew hasn't cried yet. I didn't allow him to mourn when he needed to. I hope some day he allows himself to mourn.
Last week we attended the funeral of my husband's loving mother. She was a wonderful wife and mother, and the most generous mother in law you'd ever hope to know. She died after a year long battle with kidney failure. She will surely be missed.
Now, on to the apology ...
When I received the call early in the morning, my husband was on his way to work. I immediately called him on his cell and he returned home to call his brother and to make the necessary arrangements to travel home to be with his family.
I had other plans.
You see, I'm a cleaner and an organizer. I began cleaning the house and organizing everything in sight, because I knew it would likely be more than a week before we returned, and I did not want to return to a dirty house. I showed zero concern for my husband's state of emotions at the loss of his dear mother. I wanted my house to be spotless before we got in that car.
I wasn't thinking like a help meet at the moment. If I were, I surely would have remembered the scripture,
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4
I'm quite sure Lew did not feel blessed nor comforted by my actions. In fact with the way I blew up at him for wanting to (*gasp*) pack our suitcases and go to his brother's house, I'm surprised, nay, THANKFUL that he decided to stay married to me.
What was I thinking? As a Christian, I am supposed to align my life to the One and Only Jesus Christ.
Jesus would have dropped what he was doing to comfort the man who lost his mother.
If I could go back, I would stop everything an hold the man in my arms and let him cry and cry and cry until he (and I) had nothing left.
Lew hasn't cried yet. I didn't allow him to mourn when he needed to. I hope some day he allows himself to mourn.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Mourning a Loss
I would appreciate all of your prayers as my husband's wonderful mother went home to be with Jesus this morning. A more generous, loving woman you will never find. I hope to be half the lady she was.
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5
Friday, April 1, 2011
Defraud Ye Not One The Other
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a
time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come
together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Corinthians 7:5)
I'm a submissive wife. That means I have chosen to place myself under my husband's authority. God has blessed me with a godly, loving husband, so I find it quite easy to submit. So when my husband needs me sexually I freely give him my body for sexual pleasure. That is and important part of God's plan for marriage.
But is it enough to just give him my body? What if I do it half-heartedly? When I give him sex but withhold my enthusiastic attitude, aren't I still defrauding him? If I hold my inhibitions close instead of letting go and getting lost in the experience of pleasure, isn't that fraud as well?
I have chosen to submit to my own husband. That means that what he wants is what I am willing to give. I am not to defraud him of the pleasure he wants. (Nor is he to defraud me of the same). To defraud means to present something that is false. In other words, if I am capable of giving him more, of giving him exactly what he wants, the way he wants it, and I don't do it, I am guilty of defrauding my husband, and in so doing, I cause him to become vulnerable to sexual temptation.
Sounds harsh. Well, sometimes the truth is harsh. I must always remember that my husband faces a barrage of sexual temptations every day, and it is up to me to place a hedge around him by not defrauding him sexually. I'm not going to sugar coat this. I intend to give my husband the kind of sex he desires. I am capable of it, and to do less is sin.
I'm a submissive wife. That means I have chosen to place myself under my husband's authority. God has blessed me with a godly, loving husband, so I find it quite easy to submit. So when my husband needs me sexually I freely give him my body for sexual pleasure. That is and important part of God's plan for marriage.
But is it enough to just give him my body? What if I do it half-heartedly? When I give him sex but withhold my enthusiastic attitude, aren't I still defrauding him? If I hold my inhibitions close instead of letting go and getting lost in the experience of pleasure, isn't that fraud as well?
I have chosen to submit to my own husband. That means that what he wants is what I am willing to give. I am not to defraud him of the pleasure he wants. (Nor is he to defraud me of the same). To defraud means to present something that is false. In other words, if I am capable of giving him more, of giving him exactly what he wants, the way he wants it, and I don't do it, I am guilty of defrauding my husband, and in so doing, I cause him to become vulnerable to sexual temptation.
Sounds harsh. Well, sometimes the truth is harsh. I must always remember that my husband faces a barrage of sexual temptations every day, and it is up to me to place a hedge around him by not defrauding him sexually. I'm not going to sugar coat this. I intend to give my husband the kind of sex he desires. I am capable of it, and to do less is sin.
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