Learning to Laugh

I used to get mad at Lew for doing silly things that embarrassed me. Like when he wore "that t-shirt" to church, or when he and the girls walked around the block wearing makeshift wedding veils.

Any more I just chalk it up to his personality and the way he goes about his life.  I knew he was a bit of a loon when I agreed to marry him, so why should I be embarrassed when I see him playing out his lifestyle in front of me (and the entire neighborhood)?

Anyway, I've learned to be thankful for the silly boy who won my heart, and I try not to take these embarrassing moments personally.

Buck Naked Marriage

Lew and I are reading Buck Naked Marriage by Dr. Corey Allen.  He's a Christian author who has written several books about marriage. 

We're reading this particular book together because of it's strong, straightforward advice for married couples.  It's great to spend time learning together and sharing our thoughts as we improve our relationship.

What books have you read that helped you improve your marriage?

Rest A While

My husband Lew is a hard worker.  When he works.  I don't mean that to sound demeaning whatsoever.  He works extremely hard 9 months of the year.  The other 3 months (which happen to be winter), he is off. 

It used to bother me that he didn't have the same desire as I do for undertaking home improvement jobs or reorganization projects (like, um, alphabetizing everything we own - don't get me started).  Then an amazing thing happened.

Lew got sick and had to take four days off work.  But he still had to do his paperwork so it wouldn't pile up on his desk.  Every morning a courier would bring a box filled with manilla file folders, and every evening a different courier would take them away.  Lew spend at least six hours each day working.  While he was sick. 

While I realize that being home allowed him to take his time and not rush through the work .... six hours of paper work is very intense.  And that doesn't include floor time, testing, and training his crew.  His brain must be fried by the end of the day let alone by the end of December.

Now that I have a more realistic view of what the man deals with during his 9 month work schedule, I have laid off the pressure for him to produce during his downtime.  Sure, there are still things that have to get done, and he is happy to do them.  In his own way, in his own time.

Leviticus 18:19

Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. (Leviticus 18:19)

Obscure verse, I know.  does anyone even read Leviticus anymore?

Well, um, yes.  I do.

I never really gave this verse much thought in particular.  Whenever I was menstruating and my husband wanted sex, I was game as long as he was.  Neither of us bothered to think about the implications of what we were doing.

This verse clearly states that my husband is NOT supposed to delve into my nether regions when I'm menstruating.  There are many Old Testament laws that were overturned or changed when Christ came to save the world.  This law has not been changed.

But what if he need to release his sexual tension?  What then?

Well, ladies, there are things you can and should do with your two hands and your two lips to relieve his tension. 

As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. (Song of Solomon 2:3)

His needs do not decrease during this time, so it just isn't right to do nothing.  As it says in 1 Corinthians 7:5, Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

So, when I'm menstruating and Lew gotta have it, I give him wonderful, intense pleasure, all without intercourse.  It's the law, ladies.  

Chess

Two Facts:

Fact 1:
I'm obsessed with organization.  Everything has to be neatly packed away so that nothing is out in the open that doesn't belong out in the open.  

Fact 2:
My husband loves chess.  He has a hand carved chess set that was given to him by a good friend a number of years ago. 

After we moved into our new (ish) house, he didn't bother with the chess set for a long, long time.  When I asked him about it, he showed me exactly what the problem was.  He opened the closet door, removed twelve (yes TWELVE) boxes, stacking them neatly on the floor.  Then he shifted another stack of boxes to the left, removed a small fire safe and finally retrieved the chess game.  Then he replaced all the items he had to remove to actually reach his game.

In my zeal to organize the house to my liking, I completely ignored his needs in that regard.  He needs his chess game to be accessible, and not to be stored in such a way that it takes such heroic effort just to get to it.

Do you allow your husband to keep his things handy?  Are his hobbies hidden away, out of view?  Can he easily reach the things he enjoys?

I can tell you that we have now found a place for his chess set so he can play whenever he wants to.  He and my oldest daughter are in the middle of a game right now.  I'm glad he was willing to show me in such a kind way what the problem was.

I love him with all my heart. 

The Penguin

My husband Lew had a penguin.  It wasn't a real penguin, it was a little, plastic toy that he kept on the mantle of his house.  I never really asked him about it because I just figured it was a little whimsical thing he chose as a decoration, to add a bit of fun to an otherwise blah (in my humble opinion) atmosphere.

Fast forward 3 years.

After our honeymoon we moved from our separate places into "our house."  We unpacked box after box and put our things away.  when I unpacked the box that contained the penguin, I hid the little bugger in the back of a kitchen drawer, then trashed it when he wasn't looking.

Lew was out of sorts because he couldn't find the penguin.  Actually, distraught was more accurate.  I couldn't understand what the problem was.

"That stupid little penguin?  I thought it was just a plastic toy.  I got rid of it.  Why?"

He actually cried.

You see, the penguin was a McDonald's Happy Meal toy that was given to him by his sister.  Her son (Lew's nephew) asked her, as he lay dying in a children's cancer unit, to give Lew the penguin.  He kept it on his mantle ever since.

I had no idea.  I felt like wretching. There was no way to replace that penguin.  I searched and purchased one on ebay, but it wasn't the same one.  Of course, Lew forgave me, and the replacement penguin is on display in our dining room, but every time I look at it I am reminded of my cold, unfeeling heart toward the man I love.

Why didn't I ask him about the penguin?  I don't know.

I urge all you wives out there to not belittle or discount the silly little things your husband has sitting around.  I implore you to find out why he hangs onto that matchbox car, or that little piece of colored ribbon, or that cheap plastic lawn ornament.  That stupid, ugly, broken thing might have deep significance to your husband.

Monday Pick Me Up

I like to make a nice dessert and pack it in Lew's lunch on Monday morning.  He and his coworkers work long, hard hours on Monday and, well, a nice dessert in his lunch couldn't hurt, right?